A Tamil Man, Love and Mutton Rolls…

Food

May 04, 2015

We have all been there haven't we? Three months into a relationship and everything is going smoothly. Then one fine day, after spending another fun filled day together, you are at the train station, saying your goodbyes. You sense that something feels different today. She is reluctant to let go of your hand. She looks at you in a different way... a little longer than usual. You are thinking whether being out in the sun has done something to her. Your train rides off into the distance without you. Then suddenly it happens. She drops the L - Bomb. Those three loaded words float out of her mouth - ' I love you'. You look at her blankly, seconds ticking away. Every second of silence means that your bridge to safety is being drawn. Thousands of thoughts collide through your mind; but the one thought rises above all. What does she mean by that?

There are many things in this life that I don't fully understand. Near the top of the list is the word 'love'. Especially, when the word is sandwiched between 'I' and 'you'. Everyone overdoses on the word love these days. Everyone loves everything. They love their parents. They love their dogs. They love their boyfriend. They love their handbag. They love Vijay movies. Enough already. What does it mean though?

It seems to be a word without a specific definition; a very noncommittal word that we use to commit. The word love has become our go to label for emotions that we struggle to articulate. The dictionary says love 'is a strong feeling or affection', but that just seems too simple. The word love is used so frequently that it has become a three-dimensional being. The moment we say those words to someone, it grows and takes a life of it's own. If you are not careful, it begins to feed on insecurities, resulting in irrational behaviour that if the word love didn't exist, we would just label as insanity. Is it possible to be happily in a long-term relationship without actually ever having to use those three words? When we tell someone that we love them, we surely must think that they are the only person we will ever say that to, but unfortunately the odds are that you may have to tell a few more people the same thing. There are also people out there who say those three words to multiple people at the same time. Wouldn't it be better just not say those words and just get on with it?

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I detonated my first L-bomb at the tender age of 10 (don’t judge me). She sat next to me in class. Smiled at me all the time. Held my hands during play break. She even shared her sandwich with me. I knew it then - it had to be the real deal, so I told her that I loved her. She looked at me and smiled. From that day onwards she shared her sandwich with the boy who sat to her left. That was the end of that love affair. Growing up in a Tamil household, I never heard my parents or anyone in our family openly declare their love for each other. So while I was growing up, my only reference to when and how to use the word love were Tamil Films. I think you know where I am going with this. Love was portrayed in a number of ways in Tamil Films when I was growing up, but more often than not it went something like boy meets girl - boy stalks girl - boy tells girl he loves her - song. So, using this as my template, I spent my teens trying to find a girl to stalk (sounds wrong - I know) and tell her that I love her in classic filmy style; as you can imagine, this template lead to a few broken hearts and a few more broken arms.

So I left my teens still without a clear understanding of the word love. At the start of my twenties, I was on the verge of my first relationship. After my series of epic failures during my character building teens, I realised that I needed a reference point to what love means to me if I am ever confronted by the words 'I love you'. So after weeks of meditation and quiet contemplation, wait for it… I came up with the 'Mutton roll' theory. Yes you read correctly. I love mutton rolls. My love for mutton rolls is eternal. Just the thought of mutton rolls makes me happy. I will sit through a one year olds' birthday party because they promised me free mutton rolls. So I said to myself that if a girl ever told me that she loved me, I will only reciprocate if I am willing to share my last mutton roll with her. I have yet to patent this theory, so feel free to use it if you like. Just promise me that you will think twice before sharing your last mutton roll.

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