I Didn't Think Marriage Was For Me Until I Got Married
"I didn't think marriage was for me. Fast-forward four stressful years and I found myself sitting in front of the priest in a red saree with a guy next to me, repeating the chants the priest was reciting. Fast-forward another two years and I’m happily living in Boston with my husband. What happened?"
Anurekha Vedaiyan
Sr. Project Manager
United States
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I was born in Tamil Nadu and moved to America after my 1st birthday. Needless to say, I was your average American Tamil girl caught between two cultures.  My parents, on one side, pressuring me into marriage.  On the other side, I was trying to find myself, let alone somebody that I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with). The older I got, the more I realized that marriage was not for me.

“What?! A Tamil girl not getting married – what a ludicrous idea!” I could already hear my parents, uncles, and aunties losing their minds. My entire life goal was to make my parents proud, but I just couldn’t be tied down by marriage. I started living alone at the age of 17 when I started college. I finished undergrad, grad school, and started my first job, all while living alone. I was promoted, bought my first home, and lived a very satisfying and independent life. Incorporating someone else’s life into mine was going to involve a lot of work that I was not ready for. When I turned 25, the pressure from my parents was too much to handle. All they wanted was their first precious daughter to get married in order for her life to be complete.

My career, accomplishments, hobbies – nothing mattered to society until I was a wife. I wasn’t in the headspace for allowing someone into my life. So how did I go from being so against marriage to being such a strong supporter?

Here are my top five reasons why I got married:

1. Marriage gave me purpose.

You may think living it up in your 20s is “living your best life”, but let me be the first to tell you that having no responsibilities, partying, and coming to an empty home gets old VERY QUICKLY. Although being independent has it's own pros (doing whatever you want, whenever you want), marriage definitely beats being alone. Although I had nothing holding me back while I was single, part of me felt like I was living an unplanned, unintentional life. I had a routine and I followed it – work, unwind, run errands, hang out with my friends, and repeat. But what happens after that? Nothing!

Life was mostly the same four tasks on repeat.

Being married gives me a reason to not only live my life, but also live my life with a purpose. It has helped me to create a legacy and impact the world in some way. Marriage helps you find meaning and share this purpose together. Everyone is shaped by two forces – your DNA and your environment. When two people with different DNA, from different environments come together, a new identity is created.This identity is how you impact the world. This new married identity helps create a vision for your future.

2. I always have a teammate.

Marriage comes with a sense of security. That security cultivates a sense of peace. You always have a best friend that has your back at all times. Whether it be an emergency phone call, everyday text conversations, or going on an adventure, you will always have someone there. It is nice to know that you are that person to someone else as well.

3. It shows my children what a loving relationship should look like.

I believe it is a parent’s responsibility to nurture and provide their children with the most stable environment possible in order for them reach his/her full potential. A steady environment can stem from a happily married couple. It is a parent’s duty to not only teach the child, but also show the child what love and care looks like.

Children unknowingly emulate their parents and the best way to teach a child anything is to actually behave in such a way ourselves.

4. It is nice to have someone that has gone through literally everything with you.

Companionship. You live the first X number of years essentially alone. We grow up basically living a double life. Your parents don’t know every detail of your private life and your friends don’t know every detail of your family life. But to have someone know every single detail of your life is so refreshing. You can 100% be yourself, not face any judgement, and live freely. You will be thankful for your marriage when you're 60 years old, replaying years worth of memories with the same soul.

5. It made me a better person.

I’ve definitely become more kind, sympathetic, and definitely a more patient person since I’ve married my husband. These are all qualities that always make you a more wholesome individual. I’ve learned to look at things from a different point of view. Your spouse can always be your sounding board and makes you more open-minded to different view points. Nobody can teach you patience like someone that you spend every moment with.

Now that I’ve shared my top 5 reasons for loving marriage, I do have to share that there is a caveat to all of this. You have to make sure you marry the RIGHT person for you in order for reasons 1-5 to transpire.

Watch this space for a whole new article on how to know that he’s the right person for you!

Check out more of 'Dating While Tamil':

Anurekha Vedaiyan
Sr. Project Manager
United States
I'm Anu Vedaiyan - raised in North Carolina, USA and currently living in Boston, MA. M...
I'm Anu Vedaiyan - raised in North Carolina, USA and currently living in Boston, MA. M...
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