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Published: | Canada

Dear Amma and Appa

This is a letter addressed to my parents about some of the issues I faced when I left my abusive husband. I was motivated to write this because my experience made me realize how many Tamil women stay in domestic violence situations and think it's normal in the Tamil culture. They truly don't find anything wrong with their kids growing up in that environment. Tamil families don't understand the impact of domestic violence on children. I realized this after continuously being questioned by my parents because I took my two year old son and left my abusive husband. I am a teacher, and I write this letter with my love for children, and in hope to protect children from growing up watching domestic violence. I hope this letter helps women make the right decision to leave and protect their children when faced with domestic violence. Don't stay and contribute to lifelong negative effects to your child.

Dear Amma and Appa,

I chose to leave him, wishing to lead a better life for our son and myself.

You chose to disown me, in hopes that I would go back to him.

I will not go back to him because of the emotional and physical pain I experienced while with him.

I will not go back to him to protect our child from witnessing physical abuse towards me.

I will not go back to him because of his choice of neglecting our child whenever he was upset with me.

I will not go back to him for the sake of maintaining your honour in society.

I will not go back to him just because of your misconstrued view, that a woman needs a man.

I will not go back to him just to appease your distorted view that a woman should remain in the shadows of her husband, even in the face of abuse.

I will not go back to him solely because of your inconceivable view that a child unequivocally needs both their mother and father to live together in the same house, even if that means enduring unspeakable trauma.

Amma and Appa - you chose to raise your children in an abusive environment.

 However, I will not blindly follow your footsteps!

 I am forging my own path - one that is best for my child, and one that is best for me.

I am rising above the oppressive sense of shame associated with separation.

 I am rising above the insensitive whispers of our community.

 I am rising towards the strength of empowerment of women and children.

Amma and Appa, I can only hope that one day you will realize that I have made the best choice for your grandchild!


Your Liberated Daughter

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