An Open Letter to Young Tamil Men

female sexuality

Dear Young Tamil Men,

Remember this conversation?

“So what do you think of her?” says one young Tamil man to another.

“She’s banging. But yo, I don’t think she’s the type you’d want to marry,” his friend replies.

“What do you mean? You heard something bad about her?” The young Tamil man presses his friend anxiously but dreads hearing more.

“Well, how do I put this lightly? Let’s just say she’s been around. Her ex told me some messed up things about her. I would stay away from that girl if I were you.”

The young Tamil man is downcast yet relieved. “Is it just me or are a lot of Tamil girls sluts nowadays? There are like no decent girls left.”

“Word,” says his friend as they shake their head in derision and disgust while they repeat the process, this time with another female target in mind.

Are you surprised by this conversation? Shocked? You shouldn’t be because this is a conversation that occurs frequently within the Tamil community.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not solely targeting Tamils. In fact, this conversation could be applied to any society that places a strong emphasis on female chastity. Yet regardless of the culture, this is a conversation that should not be happening. Especially not in this day and age. (And to add as a disclaimer, I have no problems with women who choose not to be sexually active. That is their choice. What I do have a problem with are people – men or women – who assess someone’s character solely by their virginity or lack thereof.)

There seems to be a flawed assumption somewhere in the depths of our patriarchal culture that the ideal woman should be angelic and innocent, blushing at the mere mention of words like “sex” or “penis”. Sometimes, when my anger doesn’t blind me, I kind of empathize with you.

Some of you grew up hearing stories from the epic Ramayana and learning of the modest, angelic Sita. You probably sat there thinking, “Of course, one day I will marry a Sita. A Sita who will constantly prove her chastity to me and the world by jumping into a fire whenever doubts were cast upon her character.”

As if this wasn’t enough, the Tamil movies you grew up watching added to the damage. You were constantly bombarded by meaningless plots that depicted a meek, beautiful Barbie doll who emulated Sita. On the other hand, it was the villainess of the movie who oozed sexiness and lust that was at once appreciated in the form of an erection yet hated for being “slutty”.

I’m sure you whistled with all your might when Rajnikanth famously differentiated the three types of women in the hit film Padaiyappa. In his opinion, the three types of women were the type you revere like a goddess, the type you want to have sex with, and the type you’re in mortal fear of. Of course, the character Padaiyappa chooses the homely and innocent Soundarya while defacing the strong sex appeal exuding Neelambari, a decision you probably applauded.

In these narratives, you were accustomed to seeing depicted women as polarized figures – either modest and righteous or sexually active and evil. Well, did it ever occur to you that women – even Tamil women – can be both righteous and sexually active? It probably didn’t because the idea of sexual purity has become the measuring stick for assessing good character in Tamil women.

Yet this is not the case for Tamil men. Let’s be honest – Tamil men get to have full sexual freedom when it comes to dating and hook-ups. And we Tamil women are expected to complacently accept your indiscretions as if it were your right as men to explore and enjoy life, and as if questioning this right is blasphemous.

Let me tell you something that may boggle your mind. Tamil men – you may have to sit down for this one. But we Tamil women get horny too. Contrary to popular belief, we have sexual urges as well. Just as you experience complete sexual liberation, we wish to have the same without being judged and ridiculed as “not marriage material”. We are not objects to be judged as “easy” or “used” and are disgusted that you would even use these terms to describe us.

Along with this, not all of us believe in the idea of marrying the first guy we date. And just like you, some of us want adventure and fun in our teens and twenties. Stop putting us on a pedestal and comparing us to an ideal that is not only completely unnatural, but boring.

And while you’re at it, please erase this barbaric idea that being modest is the only way to be righteous. There are many sexually promiscuous women who are also intelligent, charitable, kind, empathetic and many other positive traits. The choice to be sexually promiscuous or chaste should not be central in defining a woman. So instead of putting virgin on the top of your checklist when assessing a woman, try putting qualities such as intelligence or independence and see where it will take you.

Hoping for a change,

Young Tamil Women

* * * * *

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect TamilCulture’s editorial policy.

For an alternative perspective, check out: “The Voices of Feminist Tamilachis”.

Author

Niveda Anandan

Niveda Anandan

Niveda Anandan is in her final year of a Bachelor of Science degree in Integrative Biology, English literature, and Psychology at the University of Toronto. She is a writer at Tamil Feminist and is passionate about issues pertaining to gender inequality. You can follow other articles with related themes at http://kumukam.com/tamilfeminist/.

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679 comments
Zaguini
Zaguini

WIFE


W = Wonderful

I = Instrument

F = For

E = Entertaintment


YoungTamil
YoungTamil

Most of the people here are talking about their personal views. The question is about in general view of ITamils. Well as far as i have observed Tamil men  even born in the west are not cool about premarital sex until they end up doing it themselves. Many of my friends initially discarded the concept of premarital sex but now they've done it so they're cool about it. And also a common things among general public that I've seen is that sometimes they act like they're cool about it but when they come to know that someone has done it they start acting like that person has done something unusual and they even become judgemental about that person.Pre marital sex is look down  by Tamls, it affects the family reputation (especially for girls).This has serious negative consequences for the family, in that when it comes to geting their children married (especially their daughters) other Tamils will think twice before sending them marriage proposals and it could mean their daughters get rejected by potential Tamils spouses and remain unmarried their entire lives.



Gowtham0
Gowtham0

@YoungTamil

I  cringe at this article and much of the content on this site.... We are being severly being misrepresented by all these women in their attempt to justify their abhorrent behaviour.

Just look at the front page....mostly women and articles written by women. We need an alternative platform.

RajuThanu
RajuThanu

@Thamizha8 The girl a 1:29 is not only cute but very decent , I wanna marry her!

Zoulman
Zoulman

@Thamizha8 Her parents did a great job raison her, no wonder why all Tamil men that were brought in the west prefer to marry Tamil girls in the motherland.She's a perfect exemple for the future generation.

In the other hand Modern western Tamil girls are having the extreme Western influence which have resulted the diminishing of the charm and elegance of the ancient Tamil women and Tamil culture. The value for the good character and decency in honest behaviour of a woman is greatly endangered because of the western influence to the culture.At present Sri Lankans  and Indians (south) are better in this case because of their strong spiritual basement created by the great teachings of Tamil culture That is the most valuable thing all  Tamil in the motherland have at present. 


SanjeevanLankan
SanjeevanLankan

@Thamizha8   

Girls who aren't virgins are going to say stuff like "Guys want girls with experience" or "Guys just want virgins or that everyone does it (because they feel dirty and want to put other clean people in the same bag). Because they don't know any better" so if someone says that to you don't let it bother you because chances are you feels insecure because we have they can never give to a woman in the future.

GaneshRavi
GaneshRavi

@SanjeevanLankan A girl who is not a Virgin and have had a lot of SEXUAL relations will always give the answer - I DON'T care of my future husband to be a VIRGIN.    This is same like to encourage others for the same bad things that they  do.  

Komban
Komban

@Thamizha8 There is a running joke in TN that, western Tamil girls are like serial lights, high on glitz and glamour, good for seeing but nothing else and  Tamil girls  born in TN are like lamps (homely and spreading light and which would be in the heart of the house )

YoungTamil
YoungTamil

Sex before marriage is equals to prostitution according to Tamil culture.
future prostitution

YoungTamil
YoungTamil

@SanjeevanLankan 

Sex with any dog any time is common with dogs. Dogs don't feel any right or wrong opinion in sex. Dogs can even mate in roads. Dogs also allow their puppies to have sex with any dog any time.

I say only DOGS..... If the mom is a dog ,the  kid will be one....


Thamizha8
Thamizha8

@Makoa I'm Indian and I don't agree with u , north and west Indian behave like white people but we Indian Tamil still value virgin as well.

GaneshRavi
GaneshRavi

@Makoa   

Virgin girls - I want a virgin guy , because i am virgin.

Non virgin girls - come on its normal nowadays ;)

Vijayan_09
Vijayan_09

@Thamizha8 @Makoa why do you come and comment here south indian? Go and comment in your own forum where you nameless people with no language of your own are rejected by other Indians. How are you people Tamil? There is only one Tamil and that is Lankan!

Makoa
Makoa

Nivetha we are not Indians Tamils...Whatever you just said about God is your personal opinion and not the truth and those negative things was promoted by a fake fanatics. Nothing like that is written in our original scripture. God has a big heart to forgive. Thanks for asking Brother :)

Tamils culture in Sri Lanka was always against pre marital sex .You are confusing with India...But we are totally different than them.

For example, the rape culture that exists among Indian Tamils does not really exist with Sri Lankan Tamils.I am deeply sorry for using the term rape culture, I picked it up from news articles.

Is it due to Indian culture ?Is it due to the media? For example, in indian films especially older ones in the 80s rape was presented as erotica instead of being something horrifying. I have also seen India(n) nationals in my country clap and whistle when a "hero" in a movie rapes or behaves inappropriately with a "heroine" to teach her a lesson because he is a hero. I have also heard silly comments from India tamilians themselves like the spicy food they eat being the cause of this extreme show of lust (ogling at women openly is a another difference I have noticed).

Sri Lankans also seem generally calmer and less flamboyant. They do not have this habit of staring at peoples faces on the streets. 

SanjeevanLankan
SanjeevanLankan

@Makoa  In Sri Lanka, motherhood within marriage is highly valued. Sex out of wedlock is socially unacceptable and can create serious public health problems such as illegal abortions, suicide and infanticide, and single motherhood as a result of premarital sex is considered shameful. The way unmarried women facing single motherhood reflect on and make use of their agency in their social environments characterised by limited social and financial support has consequences for the health and well-being of both themselves and their children. The aim of this study was to explore and describe how unmarried women facing single motherhood in Sri Lanka handle their situation.

Eelaamboy
Eelaamboy


Why do Tamil men xpect a virgin wife ?

We have grown up with some moral belief and thinking. That's the core of our Tamil culture. 

My parents taught me that be with one partner and remain faithful to her. I did. I was in Ontario  and I know a lot of my friends had lost virginity in their college days but I knew that's not me. I moved to Uni and had plenty of girls who would have slept with me If I would have asked them too but I had to share those moments with someone special. Having more than one sex partner hinders your ability to connect with you future partner. I don't say this science does Oxytocin leads to monogamy.

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@Eelaamboy Virgin means pure and untouched and so it provides a sense of belief that the wife is only meant for you and no one else. To be honest, I felt that sex was much greater than anything casual. I put a lot of values on sex and it was something beyond intimacy. As a kid of 15, when I would see people get divorced, I would wonder, "but they have had sex. How can they get divorced?" My point being, sex is a huge deal in India and a lot of values are placed on it and people are less inclined to marry a girl who has broken those values by sleeping with another. An example of one such value will be that sex is something that a man and woman have on the night of their marriage as a newly wed couple for the first time in their entire life in order to consummate their marriage. And I would say that sex is only to consummate their marriage because it is seen as a way to bring new life into the world and not just something one does for pleasure. So for a man to see his wife as someone who is not a virgin is to see her as someone who has shared this sacred vow with someone else. This is also one of the reasons why if a girl is once raped in Sri Lanka, it is possible that no one will ever marry her because she is considered impure. The thinking is what matters and that thinking is highly influenced by culture and that culture is very different and conservative wih the Tamil community. Also, if you observe, Tamil parents too are hell bent on finding a virgin wife for their sons in arranged marriages because of the pure concept. After marriage, the girl goes to live with her husband's family and so she should be pure. Hope that helped!

Nathan95
Nathan95

@Eelaamboy

I am a virgin Tamil guy and so I want a virgin girl. My future wife will face torture from me if she had sex before marriage. Non-virgin girls should never play with the feelings of virgin boys and they should always tell their life partners about their virginity before marriage.Today there are many murders and crimes because of cheating in marriages. You guys must be aware of that. When a husband/wife finds out about the extra marital affairs then he/she kills his/her life partner along with the other person involved. Such crimes were not present in those days when men and women were virgin before marriage. But since both men and women are losing their morals and virginity the crimes and murders are increasing...

I am not dogmatic, orthodox or anything but I am just logical believer in principles and values. Not a blind follower of western culture which will hardly teach you any values and principles except blatant capitalism and pleasure driven lifestyle. 


Makoa
Makoa

@Eelaamboy

Tamil men  are really conservative referring to this issue! the Tamil  men marry a virgin girl , because they don't simply wanna marry a prostitute who sleep with every 2nd man in their country. Such women won't be good mothers in future and loyal wives to their men. Virginity is like a flower of a girl which can only be taken by that only special one that deserves it- a girl's future husband. what you think in West and in the US has no influence on our stereotypes and traditions or morals. 


We value virginity because of several issues. By saying Virginity should not be the criteria will only promote Lust and Sex will become common thing in India before Marriage. Which will ultimately lead our country to european way of thinking and style.

There is huge difference between sexual love and lust. We believe in Sexual love and not in promoting Lust.

Pure love will not exist if sex become common in our society because of Lust. Why having sex before marriage ?? Why not controlling over your senses ??

Virginity is important because it shows that you have control over your Tamasic quality and Lust is the product of Tamasic Guna. Haven't you read Eelaam  Tamil scripts??

Beloved Mohini (Avatar of Vishnu) showed how lust mislead people towards Ignorance.

I do not find people (boy/girl) loyal and nice if sex for them is like playing games.

Report says that Chances of getting cheated by a Virgin is rare because they know the value of pure love and are good at controlling themselves.


SanjeevanLankan
SanjeevanLankan

@Eelaamboy   

No smart men would get into a relationship with promiscuous women who enjoyed their hey days and want some poor sucker once they get older.There are plenty of smart,intelligent Tamil women who don't give into their reptilian brains and spread their legs to the first guy that comes across and we end up with them.

For us Tamil men, we always have our beautiful chaste Tamil girls . We have a vast amount of choice should always look towards the homeland when it comes to finding a wife, so that we can avoid the dumb girls (who tend to be studying crap like marketing, sociology, psychology, accounting etc at college) who give away their 'love' so easily" 


Jainafromjaffna
Jainafromjaffna


I've been saying this for the longest, but I get slanderous statements from feminists and "male feminists". 

Women will always be able to get sex A LOT easier than guys. She could be average and get plenty of more play from guys. There's a reason why virgin women are valued more. Virgin girls have high self esteem, self-respect, and knows she can use virginity to her advantage for a good potential husband. 


Suthasri
Suthasri

@Jainafromjaffna

In this answer, I will try to expose to you the hidden agenda of some women. Before that, let me tell you that there is nothing immoral in wanting to marry a virgin girl. Some ladies do have a problem with men wanting that, but then that is their problem. Remember that all women are not like that, some really like this idea of wanting to marry a virgin spouse, like my sister does. She says,

"Just like men seek for a virgin wife, women may also seek for a virgin husband, and that is completely fine."

A majority of people in Canada cherish this idea that one should remain virgin until one marries. But this mindset does not bode well with the intentions of those unmarried women who want to lose (or have already lost) their virginity, because due to their broken hymen it becomes a bit difficult for these women to lie about their virginity at the time of marriage. So they have their vested interest which is that:

'They want a society where less and less men are seeking a virgin wife, so that they can have sex before marriage without having to deal with the problem of lying at the time of their marriage.'

It is their agenda, not yours. Even if you are an empathetic pro-social person, it is not a kind of agenda you should feel obliged to be supportive of. There are many serious causes of activism in this world. You should better pay attention to those more serious causes rather than support the agenda of these arguably unethical women.

But beware, for these women will try their best to make everyone, including you, think that your kind of mindset is immoral. They have even succeeded in doing so to a great extent, because there are a lot of gullible people out there. To convince you, these women have all sorts of words they will fire at you- like backward, orthodox, uneducated, and god-knows-what. They have mastered the art of sophistry. Their favorite counter-argument is this:

Like    "How can you think like that in the 21st century?"

But you, my Tamil brotha, be a rational person and change your mind only if you are given valid arguments, regardless of whether the century you are living in is 21st, 31st, 41st, or 51st. And now that you know the hidden agenda of these women, do not be bothered by their cunning tricks, and keep in mind that you are not immoral in any way.


Eelaamboy
Eelaamboy

@Jainafromjaffna

IF YOU ARE A VIRGIN YOU CANNOT HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A NON VIRGIN.

Why do you expect a virgin wife ?

We have grown up with some moral belief and thinking. That's the core of our Tamil culture. 

My parents taught me that be with one partner and remain faithful to her. I did. I was in Ontario  and I know a lot of my friends had lost virginity in their college days but I knew that's not me. I moved to Uni and had plenty of girls who would have slept with me If I would have asked them too but I had to share those moments with someone special. Having more than one sex partner hinders your ability to connect with you future partner. I don't say this science does Oxytocin leads to monogamy.

Eelaamboy
Eelaamboy

@Suthasri @Jainafromjaffna

How to figure out if she is a virgin ?

It's not difficult to figure out if a  girl virgin or not based on their behavior with a very  high certainty Can Men Tell if a Woman is a Virgin? You don't need to break her hymen and all. There is no specific indication about it but if you see more than one signs you can get to know with certainty. 

I never had a relationship in past with anyone but whenever I used to see more than 3-4 hints, I used to tell the girl that I myself had couple of relationship in past. A girl who is virgin will be devastated when you tell her. The trick is people with a past are ok  with marrying someone who has a past. Virgins prefer virgins and non-virgins prefer non-virgins. non virgins have certain hypocrites who need a virgin wife but there is nothing wrong with EXPECTING YOUR SPOUSE TO BE VIRGIN .

And all-those open minded , modern hypocrites, please stop imposing your thoughts on someone not like you. You are a free citizen, so are others. You maintain your own privacy, its your life, but don't play with others', they have got a life too.

Suthasri
Suthasri

@Jainafromjaffna   

 Does virginity matters? 

It should not be, but it is. There are many hypocrites, who had sex with their partner, but didn't marry, just to try another one. Every  Tamil girl who isn't virgin will be offended

And you also have those guys calling you narrow-minded for not marrying the girl they slept with.

Seriously, those open-minded guys, if you are so open-minded, why don't you marry prostitutes. You would be doing good to the society .Yeah, prostitutes would be better than those kind of girls, at-least they had a reason, thats to support their family. But what about you girls, you did it to have fun. Couples in my college used to have sex quite often, but didn't marry afterwards. And the best part is they are still in touch with each other, even though they are married to different people. I suppose what they would be doing in the absence of their spouse.  

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@Jainafromjaffna  

Like Sean pointed out There is nothing casual about casual sex.One out of 5 women are infected by HSV. Are men expected to be okay with that?No smart men would get into a relationship with promiscuous women who enjoyed their hey days and want some poor sucker once they get older.There are plenty of smart,intelligent women in Sri Lanka who don't give into their reptilian brains and spread their legs to the first guy that comes across and we end up with them.

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@Suthasri There's nothing wrong with somebody being a virgin. It's ideal for a man. Because a man, regardless of impressions and what they may say, don't really want to be with a woman who has been with another man. When a woman has been with many others, experienced she may be, though she isn't as desirable on a relationship level. Because she's adapted and has been molded to another man's likings.   Guys  really want to be a virgin's first. And the man you will marry will want the same.

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@Jainafromjaffna  There's nothing wrong with somebody being a virgin. It's ideal for a man. Because a man, regardless of impressions and what they may say, don't really want to be with a woman who has been with another man. When a woman has been with many others, experienced she may be, though she isn't as desirable on a relationship level. Because she's adapted and has been molded to another man's likings.   Guys  really want to be a virgin's first. And the man you will marry will want the same.

I guess that shows her control and loyalty towards family! Also resembles her character in many ways that she did not sleep with anyone else but the husband. And in other words it is believed that the first time sex builds a bond between two people and that is sacred! 

Sense of purity is another major part. In Tamil atmosphere a female having multiple sex partners is never considered pure and same goes for males! 

Now it has become a right of a person to chose their sex partner and legally nobody can question that choice but men still go the traditional way and want their wife to be a virgin when they get married. 

Makoa
Makoa

@Suthasri 

I would definitely prefer a VIRGIN wife for me because I myself a VIRGIN. I have all rights to think and desire for myself. I don't wanna Americanize my mentality. I'm proud of my own Culture which teaches us to control your Lust, Anger and Hatred and many other immoral things. 

In America and in other European countries Virginity is not an issues even Married life is not at all permanent. Love has become like a part time thing. Commitment is not there b/w partners. Sex is common in America and not a big deal. They portray women as a commodity.

We value virginity because of several issues. By saying Virginity should not be the criteria will only promote Lust and Sex will become common thing in India before Marriage. Which will ultimately lead our country to european way of thinking and style.

There is huge difference between sexual love and lust. We believe in Sexual love and not in promoting Lust.

Pure love will not exist if sex become common in our society because of Lust. Why having sex before marriage ?? Why not controlling over your senses ??

Virginity is important because it shows that you have control over your Tamasic quality and Lust is the product of Tamasic Guna. Haven't you read Eelaam  Tamil scripts??

Beloved Mohini (Avatar of Vishnu) showed how lust mislead people towards Ignorance.

I do not find people (boy/girl) loyal and nice if sex for them is like playing games.

Report says that Chances of getting cheated by a Virgin is rare because they know the value of pure love and are good at controlling themselves.


SanjeevanLankan
SanjeevanLankan

@Eelaamboy @Jainafromjaffna   

In one of my Friend marriage, a boy married a girl, but after marriage he found that she was not a virgin .You know what he did, he beat up and left his house alongwith his parents and shifted to another place and left that characterless girl. Nobody knows where they have gone. But it was his fortune that he was living on rent and that was not his permanent house, that's why he got away easily with that characterless girl and our joker law.Men can handle "dent and scratched" merchandise but are not attracted to well used merchandise unless for just more of the same. 



DanushRavi
DanushRavi

@RajuLankan

I married a 18 year old virgin - and she's been trying to make up for lost time ever since. Her motor's always running! (Bless her heart.)

Barcode .I have had with sex with all my Canadian girlsfriends me think that all girls were hoes here. Which was a terrible mentality but it is what eventually led me to “choose” My wife from the same town. 

Not it was not arranged in the sense of looking through books of pictures and picking out a prize.She was  the most beautiful girl I have seen there. After my 25st birthday I asked my mom what to do . My mom of course was extremely proud that I was continuing with tradition both in culture and in religion. They a complete background  search on her to see if her past is not shady. No one had anything bad to say about her and we eventually got married. Her parents told us about me and she agreed! Here we are now, I am a 28 year old dad of two young boys and I could not ask for a better wife. To be honest I do miss some things I can discuss with a wife that grew up here, like a bunch of pop culture, in depth movie analysis, video games. What she lacks in those interests she makes up in being an amazing mom, an excellent cook and someone who is loyal and very caring. If I could go back I would make the same decision.

gandharvavivaham
gandharvavivaham

@DanushRavi Damn right your mom was happy, she sure as hell wanted to keep the women that dare take her son away from her under her thumb. This actually is the reality, if you are really honest, you've had to be the one stuck in the middle, after your wife developed a back bone, of course after that first child. 


On the other hand you are no different than a hoe, cus you've slept around. You've dipped into God know's how many women, and most of the men have proclaimed, one or two of them might have had the STD's. Now you've committed the sin of possibly having passed it on to your wife of 18 who was a virgin. Is it fair to your wife?? probably not... So not only have you screwed the girls here, but have screwed the girl you married. 


Generally in arranged marriages, just cus you picked the most beautiful women, she may not pick you, and that's the part that's hurtful for both parties. If you are a woman from Sri Lanka, it don't matter if you look like the back end of an ass, she is gonna say yes, or her parents are. And than you'd be that guy the gold digger fell for.


But don't forget there is no guaranteeing that she's never had a sexual thought about the cute guy next door in Sri Lanka, Men there are not less than you, they will not leave a gorgeous woman just like that. They may not go as far as sleeping around with their girlfriends but they sure as hell have done other stuff... And that is my argument woman are same all around, here in Canada or in Sri Lanka. No woman will be entirely pure, if not in deed than in thought.


Any woman forced into an arranged marriage will fanatasize about that one guy at least once. 



Not saying all this to ruin your marriage, you may be that one lucky guy with a totally traditional wife, who loves her inlaws just as much as her parents and they feel the same about her, but for things to fall into place the way you are suggesting... I don't know.. just think about it. 



Mamat37000Tamil
Mamat37000Tamil

@DanushRavi Wow congrats bro , I will also have one. Ignore gandharvavivam she is just jealous of men. She think that we are equal to them xd

Suthasri
Suthasri

@DanushRavi 

Congrats  bro .Due to this Fantastic system we Tamils  can focus on our career rather than trying to impress girls than get married to a pure girl. A huge time saver. Nobody marries only for sex. They marry for children. As for having sex with your Canadian girls it was okay  because girlfriends are not the mother of our children.But your wife was a virgin congrats bro.

VathushanShan
VathushanShan

@DanushRavi  Wish you a happy life. My older brother did the same. And I will do the same , the amount of good looking virgin girls in Sri Lanka is so huge, we have a vast amount of selection. All those girls are much better than those cheap Tamil Canadian females.Most of them cheat on their husband after marriage, because they don't know the meaning of monogamy. They only get married to you to claim half of your wealth. The ones from Sri Lanka are loyal and respectable.  

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@gandharvavivaham Why are you jealous of him?

In Sri Lanka, motherhood within marriage is highly valued. Sex out of wedlock is socially unacceptable and can create serious public health problems such as illegal abortions, suicide and infanticide, and single motherhood as a result of premarital sex is considered shameful. The way unmarried women facing single motherhood reflect on and make use of their agency in their social environments characterised by limited social and financial support has consequences for the health and well-being of both themselves and their children. The aim of this study was to explore and describe how unmarried women facing single motherhood in Sri Lanka handle their situation.


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3626789/

RakiThamizhan
RakiThamizhan

@gandharvavivaham 

A man's virginity is not equality important,( male dominated society ) , it only maters for females.All guys love sex and why not. We can't get pregnant, We can have sex with anyone, anytime, and anywhere with no love, no commitment, no feelings, and no emotions. We  are guaranteed to have an orgasm. We are in control.

How hard do you have to work to get sex, not at all? What do you have to do to get any besides keep on living? Exactly. Men who aren't millionaires actually have to actually put a shred of effort forth, which makes it more of an accomplishment. Women just have to Dial-A-D#ck. So keep exerting that "decision", just know that it devalues you faster than a used RV with four flat tires.That's just how life is..

Makoa
Makoa

@gandharvavivaham 

It''s the same feeling guys get when they find out how women are gold diggers [through gold digger videos]and how women say they want nice guys but always go the one with the money threfore it make sense that we Tamil men head to Sri Lanka when it comes to find the future mother of our children because Tamil women in Canada and other western country are unpure and will not make good mothers. They don't know what is love , they only marry to cheat on you and claim 50 % of your wealth.It is just logical to toy with the non virgin but settle with the virgin girl.

SanjeevanLankan
SanjeevanLankan

@DanushRavi @RajuLankan  


There are two types of Tamils who "resort" to arranged marriage today.[/B]

1. Those who've dated around and see arranged marriage as a fallback option (mostly Tamil girls).

2. Those who've been following Tamil culture, which is to study and not to have any sexual contact with the opposite sex than have an arranged marriage to a decent person.

So what happens when #1 encounters #2 in such a setup? It's not likely to work.

Arranged marriage worked for our parents and grandparents' generation because cultural constraints kept a leash on men and especially women's freedoms. Thus, both partners entered the marriage arrangement with no relationship history, no sexual history and no previous baggage. Arranged marriage can work successfully in such a context.

But what happens when this model is adapted today to the West, where we have carte blanche and a complete dating free-for-all? Naturally there will be asymmetry in the level of experience of both partners entering this arrangement.

Assuming both partners are transparent and don't lie about their pasts, a virgin Tamil guy is not going to enter an arranged marriage with a Tamil woman with a sexual history. A Tamil woman with previous boyfriends won't feel any attraction to a virgin Tamil guy, and would be repulsed by his inexperience and awkwardness.

If this union miraculously does form, naturally jealousy and insecurity issues will arise and ghosts of boyfriends/girlfriends past will come to haunt the marriage. In fact, this is a leading cause of the rising divorce rate among Tamils today.

So while I admire Sena naive optimism, I don't think such an arrangement can really work in modern times.It only works when both partner are pure and have no history. If I were in the groom shoes , and find out that the girl , I've been married with lied to me about her past because she was a left over... I would divorce her straight away and get remarried to a decent pure girl.


KrishVellupillai
KrishVellupillai

@DanushRavi  Smart choice bro.


Western Tamil girls smoke and do drugs...because they have mastered the art of doublestandards.or some have multiple personality disorder ...they are high cultured respecting family value angels infront of their parents...and the moment they are out of their house....their personality changes to a crack head hooker of LA 

They are so wannabe whites...that will do anything...as far as their cultured parents are not monitoring......there is no harm in doing drugs or its non of my business..but atleast render it right.......not like some wanna be poser..wearing marijunana bundana and showing off for facebook..... 

Few years back i was in Torrento for the sundance fest....a typical "born and brought up in Canada "iam so cool brown wanna be white" young girl popped 3 xtacy pills....to prove her womenhood...(we indian women are equal to men, proud to be an indian, better than western women and yet we need reservations for each and everything)... 

She instantly died on spot of cardiac arrest ruining a lovely show...and putting tension on organizers 

KrishVellupillai
KrishVellupillai

@gandharvavivaham 

Because its easy for a girl to get a guy to sleep with them and hard fro a guy to get a girl to sleep with them. Its not about men are better than woman or anything its a simple concept. For example if i walked to college everyday and told everyone and was supper proud, people will think im either cheap or have nothing else to offer, whereas if i tell people i climbed a mountain every week people will be impressed and would like me more. See how this relates? If you don't never mind, probably going to get disliked by a stamped of feminists anyways.


A  video that will explain everything...


https://youtu.be/ohL5FPx4vJ4?t=8m11s 


As for women in Sri Lanka most of them are saint , you said yourself that you had pre marital sex..... That´s why you have such a dirty mind. You think that all  females  are  'used' exactly like you… But it is clearly not the case.

gandharvavivaham
gandharvavivaham

Who here can say they've had sex with a virgin girl? do you guys have any idea what the first time is like for a man and a woman?

gandharvavivaham
gandharvavivaham

@DanushRavi No need to be vulgar, doesn't have the shock affect that you are hoping for, as a traditional Tamil man, you shouldn't even be talking about sex this openly. 


Anyways, It's not as beautiful as you describe, at least not for both parties, every one of my married and unmarried friends have said it's a painful and awkward process, no matter whether they do it before or after marriage. It can either break or make a woman want to have sex again in the future.  Maybe some of the Canadian Tamil woman may feel this doesn't  necessarily have to be the highlight of their marriage bed. 


In the same manner, any man who loves his girl will tell you, he doesn't want her to go through that pain, or he doesn't want to be the man who puts her through that pain. 

If sex is so intimate, how can you have it in an arranged marriage with a complete stranger. Not the same for a woman who is being violated by a stranger, just because you put a string around her neck. Where as if its with a man you love before or after marriage, it has more deeper meaning, this is part of knowing who she is and appreciating her body. 









DanushRavi
DanushRavi

@gandharvavivaham

I did it ! There's no better feeling than to hover over a woman holding your stiff and hard member and watching the look on her face as you stroke yourself before you put it in her. Real men adore taking a virgin. Your the 1st one to enter the honey hole!

Guys feel a virgin better because more tighter give more pleasure though in starting it makes difficult to penetreat. Tighter feels better because it touches/press more sesitive points than the other. Breaking in a virgin is more of a conquest thing. It''s a men pride!

VathushanShan
VathushanShan

@gandharvavivaham   

It is not matter of virginity of girl, it is matter of loyalty. the girl who went on bed with someone, it means she is loyal to him and both are in confidence. now when it comes to another man, can this loyalty and confidence be 100%. never it is always less. it is also applicable for man. when a couple married, it is not the body that get in connection, their every secret, every thought, everything should get one. but in above case it is not possible at all, as everything is shared but remain hidden. result breakup of marriage, killing by boyfriend/girl friend, blackmailing and most important life of children born got in dark(as whose the are no one knows and no one accept even after knowing). we can easily say that it does not matter as we are modern, westernized. but it is not modernization, it is fooling each other. sex before marriage is not bad, but they should got married each other or if not going to marry, should not fool others.

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@VathushanShan 

 We are defined by the choices we make. I believe if I consider Sex  a 'vice' (spiritual, medical, religious, personal reasons aplenty), then I definitely cannot connect with someone who perceives this habit 'routine/normal/no big deal'. This is like compromising with my own principles. Nope, wouldn't do that.

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@gandharvavivaham

Girls like you are a shame to all Tamil females.Honestly Danush,  most Tamil girls who aren't virgins are going to say stuff like "Guys want girls with experience" or "Guys just want virgins because they don't know any better" so if someone says that to you don't let it bother you because chances are you feels insecure because we have they  can never give to a woman in the future.

These women like you attempt to shame men about being virgins because immature ad hominems is the only way they know how to argue. 

You'll see it often online, usually when a woman is legitimately criticized. But take heart, when the personal insults start to fly, you know you've struck a nerve and won your argument. You are probably projecting the shame that they feel for being dirty used good, onto someone else. Being a virgin is something I respect and value. Who cares about the opinion of a use good...

Anyone who engages in that kind of behavior is a hypocrite. They're passing judgment on others for their sexual choices while pretending to be open-minded. 

If you don't want to save yourself for marriage, don't do it. But if you push your views on others who disagree, then you're no better than Rajapaksa.

InsayneTam
InsayneTam

@gandharvavivaham 

What do you know about what men want?Sex with a virgin  female is the best ,  you can take her innocence and teach her how to improve.She will trust and be like a robot. It's great.

In terms of pain, it's a lot less painful if the girl is not anxious and is suitably aroused. A bit of lube can help here and making sure she isn't just doing it for you and you're in a safe place (and you're taking precautions) will also help greatly. Of course it can be painful, awkward and wholly unsatisfactory if you don't communicate and find out what she likes and vice versa and you don't take things slowly as you both find out what to do. It's the feelings that go into the experience (having sex with that person) that make it special and distinguish it from any other sexual experience with someone else.


RakiThamizhan
RakiThamizhan

@gandharvavivaham 

Any Tamil  woman has the right to choose to have sex with ten, twenty, thirty partners a day/week/month/whatever, if that is indeed the choice of all involved.  But she  does not deserve commitment  and should not cry when all men will run away from  her.No one gives a flying bird  if a man sleeps around the reason is that god made the man better than the inferior female.If the female is not virgin in our culture. She is condemn to die alone . Tamil females need to adapt to our culture or die alone. We Tamil men can get younger females back home, can you do it? NO!

Mamat37000Tamil
Mamat37000Tamil

@gandharvavivaham How is he vulgar? HE WAS JUST ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION. As for love what do you know about what men want? We know what we want , we don't need a feminist from an inferior gender to tell us what to do....  We can have sex with easy girls than marry girls from the country and there is nothing that you can do about it. deal with it.

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