Published: | United Kingdom

#RANT: Tamil Society and Love

One perception of love in Tamil society.

To be honest, this isn't just Tamil societies but this is where my own experience lies so I'll just stick to the Tamil society. Don't get me wrong, I love being Tamil. But when it comes to love (and not everyone has the same expectations as I do) I believe it is perceived as something wrong in our community. I'm sorry, but how is falling in love, appreciating a person, wrong in any way? I feel like many Tamil parents make their children feel as if they are doing something wrong by liking a person, not even loving. Simply crushing on someone is seen as bad.

Why can't it just be accepted as normal? It's natural to have feelings for someone, be attracted to someone - it's human. If I were to put myself in the shoes of some parents, yes I could potentially understand what they may mean when they say love can be a distraction, and their caution comes with good intent, but it's up to you to control that. Love isn't going to stop you from reaching your goals unless you let it. When dealing with knowing that your child may like someone, you shouldn't take the "you're not my child anymore" approach. That seeps negativity, slowly crushing your child. Rather, help them understand that this is life, it happens and this is how we learn. There are so many parents who take a negative approach to finding out their teenagers have fallen in love and end up with children who want to leave the house and not be associated with them - is that what you want? If you tried to understand your child and what they may be going through, wouldn't that make your relationship stronger, while teaching your child that it's going to be okay? Stop wondering what other people might say and taking it out on your child, saying they've disappointed you, because you've felt the same feelings they're feeling. The only difference is, it might not have been at the same time. So what if they started learning about love before you did, stand behind them and guide them, support them and be there for them.

Another issue is that Tamil parents don't openly show affection and love to each other, making their children feel like wanting to show affection to someone as wrong. Why should it be embarrassing to show the one you love how much they mean to you? Or the other way around. Why are you stopping your other half from appreciating you? Only to go on to create arguments that follow the lines of "I'm not appreciated in this house, I might as well go somewhere else." Love is not a taboo, nor should it be seen as one. There are parents who reminisce about their love lives but go on to be hypocritical and punish their child for falling for someone, when they did it too. Why is it one rule for adults and another for their children? Why is it that we have to wait until a certain time like university to find someone? Falling in love is never planned, it happens, it's unexpected and it's not wrong.

There is so much you can say on this topic, and I'm not saying that this is what all Tamil parents are like. I'm just saying, if Tamil parents stopped having this mindset, a lot of Tamil children might have felt more supported and many also may not have gone down a troubled path. There are instances where parents finally accept the fact you're in love, but why should we wait so long to tell them? Why do we feel so afraid to? Our parents will always be our parents, finding someone you trust, who is a best friend to you, who understands you, can be hard to find, why sacrifice that in fear of our parents?

 

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