The Real Voice of a Feminist Tamilachi

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I am a feminist. Am I or should I be ashamed of it? No. Does this make me any less Tamil or less “cultured”? Hell no.

The recent article The Voices of Feminist Tamilachis is a clear indication of what is wrong with the mindset of Tamil society. I am in no way targeting the whole community – just a certain group of misguided and uninformed individuals whose patriarchal mindsets act as a barrier for the rest of us who are more well-informed. The title itself makes no sense in regards to the context of the article due to the fact that the author failed to include the voices of actual feminists apart from his own sexist viewpoints.

After reading that nicely worded piece of rubbish, I felt my blood boil, eyes twitch, fist curl and if I could possibly do it, I would have spit fire. If the author of the article was the lone voice in this set of thinking, it can be easily dismissed. However, there are many out there who share his abhorrent beliefs. For this reason, I am compelled to write in the hopes of debunking these ideals that, under the guise of culture and tradition, merely perpetuate the repression of women.

The article falsely focuses on external factors – mainly, a woman’s adherence to a certain lifestyle – as the living embodiment of feminism. The author fails to realize that being a feminist means subscribing to a way of thinking, not a pattern of behaviour. It has nothing, whatsoever, to do with what she wears, how much or how little she drinks, whether she smokes or parties, or how promiscuous she is.

It is about giving women the equal right – as men have the privilege for themselves – to make the choices that are appropriate for her. It is about the freedom to choose, allowing women to be able to assert who she is and her independence without being ostracized or discriminated against. Although the study of feminism has multiple divisions, the core purpose is the advocacy of women’s rights within the grounds of social, political and economic equality that men so freely enjoy. A woman can be a housewife with five kids, no education or worldly experience and still be a rocking feminist.

When the author of The Voices of Feminist Tamilachis states that “…I don’t really care about my girlfriend drinking, smoking or partying, I do have a problem with the mother of my child drinking, smoking and partying”, he uses freedom of speech to defend the blatant hypocrisy of his statement. Although he is entitled to his own opinion, what he fails to realize is that it is this type of mindset that is detrimental to the empowerment of women.

There continues to be outrage within our community when a woman chooses to express her sexuality due to the perception that it is the woman’s fault for “tempting” a man should he submit to a transgression. However, if a man is to do the same, it is accepted as normal and part of “being a man.” What about sexuality as part of “being a woman?” Men like the author use the cop-out of “that’s just the way it is” to absolve themselves from challenging and changing this patriarchal mindset.

However, this is not a reality that we should simply accept because this is our “culture”. Rather, it is a reality that we must change in order to work towards a society in which acts of violence against women will invoke more outrage than a woman choosing to express her sexuality. When we place such high expectations on our women to retain their chastity while not placing the same expectations on our men, we tacitly justify acts of violence against women to take place. We create a society in which rape, sexual abuse, assault and murder of women are accepted and easily justified. And in this tacit acceptance, we make it increasingly difficult for women survivors to speak out due to the shame, backlash and ostracizing they will likely face.

A few years ago, I had a conversation with a Tamil guy who when asked what he thought about his sisters being sexually active, instantly answered, “No no my sisters aren’t like that. They would never do something like that.” However, this same man had no qualms about trying to coerce the girl he was dating into a sexual relationship, despite her unwillingness and visible discomfort. It didn’t occur to him that she might have been someone’s daughter or sister that was deserving of his respect. He postulated that just because she was dating him, that automatically gave him access into her pants. Similarly, I can recount many stories from non-Tamil friends who have dated “brown” guys conveying their utter disgust at their perverse behaviour, whereby they would feel pressure and coercion to sleep with them.

As long as modes of female social interaction are governed within a traditional patriarchal framework, there will always be sexual connotations attached to any male-female interaction. Under this mindset, even something as innocent as a coffee date is viewed as an invitation for sex. If a woman accepts herself as a sexual being and does not act as a passive player in the male- female interaction, she is immediately viewed upon as “loose” or a “slut.” It is a conflicting expectation to live by when a Tamil woman has been raised to be educated and independent, yet at the same time, due to tradition and culture, be subordinate to her male counterpart and sexually innocent.

Respecting a woman should not be determined by her choice of lifestyle. Rather, it should be about accepting who she is without adding to or taking away from her character. When judgments are made, it starts to blur the lines of equality because of preconceived notions of what is considered acceptable and unacceptable. To place restrictions on women whilst allowing men the freedom to be and do what they want goes against what is considered fair and just.

Patriarchal stereotypes are an obstacle that must be confronted and challenged if we want gender equality to prevail. It is not only harmful for women’s rights; it acts as a platform to enforce other forms of discrimination. It should not be part of our culture that we are proud of but something we should work towards addressing and transposing.

And the Tamil woman who chooses to let herself go at parties, kick back a few shots, enjoy a few puffs and show to the world just how sexy she is… more power to her!

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect TamilCulture’s editorial policy.

For an alternative perspective, check out: The Voices of Feminist Tamilachis

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Author

Tasha Nathan

Tasha Nathan

Born in the Middle East and having come to Canada when she was 7, Tasha spent most of her life growing up in Scarborough. She completed her BA in Sociology from York University and did her Diploma in Assaulted Women and Children's Counselling.. She is an avid reader, with interests ranging from various genre of fiction to politics. Along with being an avid reader,she is also an artist and an author, having published her first children's book just this year. Her focus lies more within women's empowerment and gender equity, particularly within the Tamil Community.

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17 thoughts on “The Real Voice of a Feminist Tamilachi

  1. In simple words: Men and women are not equal. There is a reason women become pregnant. Modern technologies – if you understand what I mean – might give the illusion women = men. I’d like to respect women and for them to experience their freedom (from clothing to parties). But, no matter what culture you are from, please follow one women = one man policy (also the other way around). End of the day a man can only be strong if the woman behind him is strong (his mother or wife or girlfriend).

    – Take it easy

  2. @ Dear Somebody….here’s a quick lesson on reproduction 101 it takes two to make a baby, not one…if that was the case there wouldn’t be any use for men to be part of the world. As for the one man one woman policy thst would be great in an ideal world however since that’s not the case let’s not attack women who choose to assert their sexuality as freely as men do.

  3. In “simple words”, or in biological terms?

    You’ll notice there are certain physical attributes that differentiate human races as well. Bone structure, hair, eyes, skin, height, and so on. This goes for the disabled as well. Does that validate an argument that they are not equal?

    I, for one, don’t wish to get pregnant but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman or less deserving of rights?

  4. Let’s not get technical. No one is equal. That is why the world is interesting. Don’t get me wrong. Getting pregnant is a beautiful thing. Just trying to make the point that only women are meant to get pregnant and therefore should be very careful who they choose as their partner. I’m not sure what rights you are less deserving – I thought we came out of stone age centuries ago.

  5. Of course the man is responsible. Laws are always in favor for women. In reality, women have the choice on who they want to mate with. Men don’t care.

  6. Enjoyed the article and good to see a healthy debate. I think the whole discussion of tamil culture for men and woman is going through a huge revamp particularly as we live in western countries. What we as tamils see as right or wrong can be completely different in the next generation as it is different from our parents. Men need to change their perception of woman and it takes time. But woman also need to change their preception as well. Yes certain men have this mentality but so do many woman. Although i dont agree men and woman are equal, i dont think woman are below men or vice versa.

  7. Hello XYZ – You are on the right track of understanding this debate. Fundamentally, I believe nothing changed now from 100 years ago (of course we are more materialistic, there are birth control pills, technology etc.). But, we are still humans, live and breathe the same as our ancestors did. “Men need to change their perception of woman and it takes time”. I believe a man will be faithful to you, if you are to him. If you prove to be the strong, affectionate woman, who has reserved yourself for that one man, I don’t see why that one man doesn’t love and deliver you the love you need. I think we have understood Western culture wrong. East has evolved as well and west has a lot of people now from the east. The point is, women should be strong. Men approach all types of women, and if women are not strong in what they believe (which is the long lasting love), they will fail. I would actually suggest women to find the right one guy to marry. This is my point of view. I actually appreciate the fact the author brought this topic to the public for discussion.

  8. question for you, if there is a lock that has many keys which can open it, i think its a pretty shitty lock to me…but if i have one key which opens many locks…. its called a master key….this is in relation to your statement of “If a woman accepts herself as a sexual being and does not act as a passive player in the male- female interaction, she is immediately viewed upon as “loose” or a “slut.””…. stereotypes are all around us and they wouldn’t be if there wasn’t any truth to it..

  9. Where does the article even say if she sleeps around? Sleeping around is not the same as a woman accepting herself as a sexual being. A woman who accepts herself as a sexual being is a woman who acknowledges that she is a human being with sexual desires and does not view those desires as a sin. It doesn’t mean you have to act on it. It simply means acknowledging who she is. Please do not pervert this article.

  10. As for stereotypes having truth to it…really? Are you that lacking in sense that you go by that belief system. So based on what you said then all brown people smell and speak with an accent, all immigrants are on welfare and so forth and so forth so I’m guessing you fit into the category as smelly, lazy, corrupt and have an accent. Because that’s what white Canadians think of Tamils so I’m guessing that stereotype applies to you then. Oh yes and that Africans live in trees and are more closely related to apes.

  11. well obviously you didn’t read what i wrote… im not saying each and everyone live up to the stereotype, im saying that some do….and yes i am as you say “smelly, lazy, corrupt and have an accent. ” but what does that have to do with anything, you clearly heard that stereotype from somewhere… it has some validity, but not all true…lol and to your other question she clearly states that she asked a guy she got to know about his sisters being” sexually active” said by the writer… i was trying to pose a question as to when she stated that… i see my “lazy” attitude made me make a mistake… .. and we area all closely related to apes, not more so the “africans”

  12. @259f8dc531dff1c030414ff0ae27e07e:disqus ,

    Being equal as men is not same as being able to sleep around like men. It’s the ability lead a company/country and being able to make their life better. I work in a Company where my boss is a female and I’m very happy to work with her. So don’t brand me as another typical male.

  13. @truth It’d eventually be a shitty “master” key if you have multiple partners and contract herpes

  14. And I thought the other article was upworthy; this is really throwing light on the issue – gender equality.

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