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You Know You’re at a Tamil Wedding When...

1. You see lots of tears of happiness and joy, and that’s from the men at the back when they announce the bar is open. 2. When the person delivering the speech starts off by saying, ‘I am going to keep this short’ and you cling on desperately to the hope that it’s true, even though in your experience it has always been quite the opposite.

1. You see lots of tears of happiness and joy, and that’s from the men at the back when they announce the bar is open.

2. When the person delivering the speech starts off by saying, ‘I am going to keep this short’ and you cling on desperately to the hope that it’s true, even though in your experience it has always been quite the opposite.

3. You realize two things when you come to the wedding hall and everyone says, "you come at the right time:" a) the thaali was tied a long, long time ago, and b) they just opened up the buffet 5 minutes ago.

4. When they announce they have opened up the dance floor, you start to wonder which of your middle aged uncles is going to break out the booze induced gaana moves this time.

5. The priest who spent months finding the most auspicious time for the marriage shows up late to the wedding and announces that incidentally there will be an even more auspicious time in half an hour!

6. The collective emotional high and happiness a wedding induces quickly turns into anger and tears when you realize the line for the proof photos started while you were in the restroom.

7. You get the eerie feeling you missed something…then realize that the thaali had already been tied and no one at your table even noticed because the cameraman’s rear end was blocking your view.

8. You realize the above because the DJ started playing the title song from the serial Kolangal.

9. You can tell how close the parents of the bride or groom are standing from your table just by listening to the people around you praising the quality of the overly oily, tasteless food being served.

10. You witness two families coming together, and tens of other families drifting apart from them because the women of the family weren’t invited to take the arathi.

- Sudan Ponnuchamy

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