Let’s be honest. Everyone has probably gone through at least one bad breakup where you’ve experienced an awful emotional coaster. A sense of betrayal and isolation lurks, convincing you that you’ve officially reached the end. You wish you could go back and change the past and make things right. But the reality is the past is the past, and no one has control over it anymore.
Before you waste your life away, you should ask yourself if you really were in love. Or were you in love with the idea of being in love? Contemplate on that for a moment. In any case, that’s a whole different topic. I want to express my thoughts on the pessimistic choices people tend to make from a breakup or divorce, and how we underestimate the impact it leaves on the individual.
Throughout my high school and university years, I’ve seen many relationships end unpleasantly and what it has done to individuals. Some cry for days, losing track of their lives. Some do everything in their power to make the relationship work again. Others simply take it easy. How a person deals with the issue is an autonomous decision and I am not one to judge. But it definitely does not mark the end of love or your life.
Sometimes, culture has a big influence on your morals and beliefs, causing you to react in a certain way. I’m sure I’m part of the norm when I say that my parents believe in the “one person policy” – a prevalent attitude among many in the Tamil community.
Most of you have probably been nurtured to eventually fall in love and marry that one person. Thus, breakups take a toll on many people, leading to irrational decisions. But of course this has to change. Being able to adapt to Western society and learning to be more practical and modern in your thoughts is important in realizing how realistic you need to be in relationships.
Then there are also those who tend to get too deep into a relationship and become distracted by it. You become dependent and trapped in worrying about nothing more than the happiness of your loved one. There is a fine line between being committed and becoming reliant. Finding the right balance between friends, family and love – while maintaining your independence – will reduce the hardships of a potential breakup substantially.
Often it is inevitable that people will lose feelings or just fall out of interest in the course of a relationship. There are an abundance of reasons as to why breakups occur – a lack of communication, a sense of possessiveness, or simply not feeling that spark anymore. But sometimes it is better that it’s done and over with.
Yes, breakups are difficult. Who likes the feeling of being hurt? The grieving and process of shifting your thoughts onto other things may feel unimaginable, but you need to resist the control and power it may have on you. Rather than letting the breakup or divorce consume you, learn from its downfall and look at it as an opportunity to strive from.
Don’t cringe or feel embarrassed that you’ve been dumped and are single. Find love in unconventional ways such as travelling, finding new hobbies, helping out in the community etc. While it sounds cliché, being single may be the most opportune time in your life to focus on yourself and discover who you are. Many Tamils have a preconceived notion that they can only find true love and passion through their significant other. Be able to be with yourself before being with someone else.
Rest assured - everything happens for a reason. In life, you will face situations and experiences to test your abilities and to see what you make of it. Most times relationships end for the best. It allows you to put so much into perspective. It will show you things in a different light and will shape you to be a better individual. Whatever happens, just remember that there are always people who love you unconditionally and will always be there to support you.
We all stumble and fall, but it’s not the end of the world. Sometimes those hard breakups mold us into the person we are today. Embrace it. The truth is the person you become will overshadow the person you once used to be.
Things don’t always go as planned, but you just have to make the best of it and move on. In all honesty, time does heal everything. Eventually all the pieces fall into place. Until then just keep holding on.
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