I am an Epilepsy Warrior
I may have become an epilepsy warrior, yet everyday is still a struggle.
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I may have become an epilepsy warrior, yet everyday is still a struggle.

2002 was when my turmoil started. I was 20 years old, enjoying university life, studying hard with an overzealous attitude to match that stage of life. The shock of waking up in a hospital and being told that I had been in a coma for 9 days was a blow to my ego. Nothing in life had prepared me for that moment. Meningitis and encephalitis - a brain infection - was the cause of my epilepsy. I was discharged with an anticonvulsant "dilantin" and an appointment with a neurologist to follow my progress. I ended up back in hospital because I was allergic to this medication. All of this was new and horrific to my parents, brother and family.

Why me? What the heck did I do wrong to deserve all this? This thought was constantly in the back of my head.

I have been on many different epilepsy medication. My neurologist has yet to find a proper combination of meds to help control my epilepsy. I have uncontrolled seizures and suffer from bi-temporal lobe epilepsy. This causes me to have different types of seizures all the time and without warning.

This year, I was in the epilepsy monitoring unit with intracranial electrodes placed inside my brain to see if I qualify for brain surgery. I, for one, was very excited and happy for this process of finding answers.

The fear, negative reactions and misconceptions from others made me realize how people had attached a stigma to the word seizure. This has led me to write a little about my experience, hopefully opening a pathway for others dealing with seizures in our community to speak freely.

Many years of suffering and getting seizures while constantly on the lookout placed a toll on my loved ones. All I wanted was to be normal like the rest of the girls my age, but that was very hard. I was always supervised, no longer able to drive, and felt like a child.

Independence was what I wanted badly. I turned into a very boisterous, opinionated and in your face type of person - not caring about what others thought of me and my ways. This, of course, is not a typical Tamil girl's behaviour.

I struggled for many years. I have been depressed, mentally unstable, stressed, moody, stubborn, confused, hated my life, unable to make proper decisions, with memory issues, no patience, suicide attempts and still no answer to the "why me?" factor.
Have I suffered much? Yes!

Have I gained anything from living the past 14 years with seizures? Yes!

Knowledge of self worth and strength was a key factor in changing my perspective. I had to respect myself and accept the fact that I would never be "normal". I am still learning to better myself and to stay positive as much as possible. I've learned to become a self sufficient individual. By living to the best of my abilities even with flaws, I am now an epilepsy warrior.

I'd like to ask my fellow Tamils to not to feel pity for me or my situation. Try to understand my struggles and be accommodating to the needs of people like me. Break the silence about epilepsy and spread awareness in our community.

My parents and mature younger brother - you have helped me accept my own reality. My immediate family, friends and hubby who have all stuck by me. I appreciate all of your patience and understanding."Live & Let Live."

The above site gives you knowledge on what exactly seizures are and how to deal with them. It also has a pamphlet translated into Tamil.

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