“Why does he just want to be friends?” This is the main lament I’ve heard from my friend during those stressful times when she starts venting about the world.
“The date went so well. Nothing was awkward. We connect and then he just says let’s focus on ourselves.” This is apparently what any “nice” girl will go through plenty of times before she meets her prince. My friend is a sweetheart and sometimes I’m puzzled as to why she doesn’t land a proper decent male here and there. And then I thought to myself “Maybe she’s too nice?”
These girls tend to be smart and well organized – so-called “wifey” material – with an awesome wardrobe. But at the end of the day, they are all complaining that they are single. They’ve seen other girls land some yumminess out there. But here they are where they can’t even secure a date much less a boyfriend.
Several of our friends have told her that she’s “too nice”. She analyzed it and even said that she may give guys too much room for the “benefit of the doubt” scenario. She’s getting somewhere now! This resounded with the whole “nice guys finish last” idea, and I thought that she had a point. Guys always tell her that she is too nice. She did everything she was told – “play the game”, “don’t make yourself too available”. But here she is being told “let’s just be friends.”
Then I thought “Maybe she’s too nice?”
At one point she claimed, “Guys don’t want nice girls. They think we are boring.” Hearing this my heart just fell. She’s the sweetest soul I know – this can’t be true! But let me tell you one thing – she’s the girl I reprimanded for pawning off certain boys to our other friends since most guys would ask her to be their wing woman. I get the fact that she was being nice and a friend, but enough is enough girl!
She tends to trip and fall everywhere and tends to embarrass herself a lot. So here she goes again complaining “What am I doing wrong?”
That’s when I started remembering the tidbits of advice I’ve heard here and there:
1. Being nice is the bare minimum. Everyone is nice to each other at one point. You have to do what makes you different. What makes you you?
2. Show that you want it. Why wait around for him to text you?
3. Personality. Show some interest and don’t just be “nice”. Show that there is more to you than meets the eye than your exceptionally good manners.
4. Be assertive! Men can’t do all the work – then it will go nowhere. I learned the hard way, trust me.
5. Be unique. Be different. And if he doesn’t like it move on to the next one. Why change yourself for that one hottie? (This is my Kaavia life motto.)
6. Apparently guys like fire in a woman – someone who can stand up for herself and actually say no to things.
She still sobs, “At the end of the day nice girls are boring.” To that I say, “That’s not true at all. You perceive yourself as scared or reluctant. Step it up a notch and show those guys out there that you are beautiful as you are to me.”
With all this, I just wanted to personally say that being nice doesn’t mean you are boring. It shows that you care and respect others. And if some guy doesn’t want that and perhaps feels “guilty” around you then move on. There are so many other fish in the sea – it’s up to you to dive in and explore!
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