You’re Single Because You’re “Nice”

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“Why does he just want to be friends?” This is the main lament I’ve heard from my friend during those stressful times when she starts venting about the world.

“The date went so well. Nothing was awkward. We connect and then he just says let’s focus on ourselves.” This is apparently what any “nice” girl will go through plenty of times before she meets her prince. My friend is a sweetheart and sometimes I’m puzzled as to why she doesn’t land a proper decent male here and there. And then I thought to myself “Maybe she’s too nice?”

These girls tend to be smart and well organized – so-called “wifey” material – with an awesome wardrobe. But at the end of the day, they are all complaining that they are single. They’ve seen other girls land some yumminess out there. But here they are where they can’t even secure a date much less a boyfriend.

Several of our friends have told her that she’s “too nice”. She analyzed it and even said that she may give guys too much room for the “benefit of the doubt” scenario. She’s getting somewhere now! This resounded with the whole “nice guys finish last” idea, and I thought that she had a point. Guys always tell her that she is too nice. She did everything she was told – “play the game”, “don’t make yourself too available”. But here she is being told “let’s just be friends.”

Then I thought “Maybe she’s too nice?”

At one point she claimed, “Guys don’t want nice girls. They think we are boring.” Hearing this my heart just fell. She’s the sweetest soul I know – this can’t be true! But let me tell you one thing – she’s the girl I reprimanded  for pawning off certain boys to our other friends since most guys would ask her to be their wing woman. I get the fact that she was being nice and a friend, but enough is enough girl!

Beyonce knows what’s up.

She tends to trip and fall everywhere and tends to embarrass herself a lot. So here she goes again complaining  “What am I doing wrong?”

That’s when I started remembering the tidbits of advice I’ve heard here and there:

1. Being nice is the bare minimum. Everyone is nice to each other at one point. You have to do what makes you different. What makes you you?

2. Show that you want it. Why wait around for him to text you?

3. Personality. Show some interest and don’t just be “nice”. Show that there is more to you than meets the eye than your exceptionally good manners.

4. Be assertive! Men can’t do all the work – then it will go nowhere. I learned the hard way, trust me.

5. Be unique. Be different. And if he doesn’t like it move on to the next one. Why change yourself for that one hottie? (This is my Kaavia life motto.)

6. Apparently guys like fire in a woman – someone who can stand up for herself and actually say no to things.

She still sobs, “At the end of the day nice girls are boring.” To that I say, “That’s not true at all. You perceive yourself as scared or reluctant. Step it up a notch and show those guys out there that you are beautiful as you are to me.”

With all this, I just wanted to personally say that being nice doesn’t mean you are boring. It shows that you care and respect others. And if some guy doesn’t want that and perhaps feels “guilty” around you then move on. There are so many other fish in the sea – it’s up to you to dive in and explore!

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Related Articles:

“Complaining About Being Single Is Not Going To Make You Less Single”
“Dear Straight Up! Is He Messaging Me Just As A Friend?”
“Alone on Valentine’s Day?”

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Kaavia has a passion for helping others and bringing the right attention to talented souls. She's really bad at singing, resisting chocolate temptations, controlling her love for her puppy, instagramming and hiding her feelings. You can email her at

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11 thoughts on “You’re Single Because You’re “Nice”

  1. You’re “nice” is a politically correct way of saying, I am not really attracted to you. Secondly the term “wifey material” is very subjective term to different men.

  2. Hire better writers, or at least have an editor in place… This reads like a 15 year olds train-of-thought style verbal diarrhea.

  3. This was an excruciating read. This ‘article’ could have just been written as an advice column without the story of her friend. It was unecessary.

  4. This was such an awful read. Why are we telling women how to behave to get the attention of a man… That is not empowering to women at all, why is this even posted on a blog called Tamil Culture. Our culture is not to blame women for why a man is not interested in them.

  5. Being a well heard argument..not every girl is nice..there is another side for everyone…Nice girls should or shouldn’t our question… every person is different..they have their own way of looking things..and not all of them are nice always… those single nice girls can choose who is her boyfriend or partner… they don’t need others to choose them….. moreover the way she is brought up and her choice of friends can make her single…all girl/boy can choose any kind of partner. And nowadays… anyone can choose to be with someone…..last point is no one is alone or single

  6. Are you saying because they have dark skin or “fat” the girls are unsuitable for long term relationships?

  7. Well nothing to do with being suitable for relationships. I care about looks and body shape,before personality.

  8. ^ LOL that’s what I mean. But you make it sound like something is wrong. I rather stay single than be in an unhappy relationship or unsatisfied marriage. That’s what our parents and grandparents generation did. They sucked it up.

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