Are Young Tamil Men Giving Up on Marriage?

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I am a 25-year-old Tamil man who is getting married this year, and I couldn’t be happier.

I recently read an article, “Young men giving up on marriage: Women aren’t women anymore,” and thought, I just don’t fit in with most of the research and statistics quoted in this article. It states that fewer men (in the U.S.) want to get married, but the opposite is true for young women. The article continues to give decreased percentages on the importance of successful marriages and parenthood from 1990 to 2017.  This article makes it seem like men are blaming the women and women are blaming the men.

 

Who do I blame? I blame society as a whole. Due to the increased utilization and exposure of technology, the balance between men and women in society has significantly changed. Most issues which were not spoken about before are now out in the open. Young girls and boys are looking up to the Karadashians and Floyd Mayweather as role models and music is glorifying drug use. Thousands of people will wait in line overnight just to get the first iPhone or new Jordans, but will hesitate to join protests, marches and social justice movements. We live in a society where technology gives us access to witness atrocities such as war crimes and animal cruelty first hand, but most of the world still turns a blind eye.

 

Even though I blame society as a whole, I do not think that only men or only women are at fault. I’m a firm believer that every single person is different, and just because a group of people have a common trait, it does not mean that they think or act the same. I have been proving to others all my life that I do not fit the stereotypes they apply to someone like me. One cannot say that just because I am a Tamil male and a youth, that I fit every Tamil male-youth stereotype. It is really sad that we still live in a world where we cannot judge people by their heart, but rather by their gender, age, religion, caste, or other human created systems. I am not saying that we are doomed, as a lot of positive movements and united fronts have risen to fight against injustices and we have found a way to utilize technology to demonstration a global unity. All I am saying is everyone is different and you reap what you sow.

 

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I believe marriage is good for society. We live in a time where we can research and discover everything about a stranger through technology and social media. So why is it that the divorce rate is higher now than in the past, when two individuals who have never met each other before can get married and stay together for a lifetime? Marriage should foster traits that can be transferred into society like teamwork, discipline, patience and forgiveness. I think it is fair to assume that if you cannot keep it together at home, chances are it will be harder in the outside world. Broken homes can lead to broken communities which can then progress into broken cities, countries and a broken world as a whole.

 

Editors-Note

It is concerning to hear that separation and divorce rates are continuing to rise and it is making it harder for those who truly love each other to get married due to the fear that there may be a possibility of divorce. The shocking statistics are an example to future generations that it is easier and acceptable to stop being loyal, committed and leave than to stick together and find a way to fix the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, every marriage is different and if you are faced with any type of abuse then separating yourself from that individual is a good idea.

 

I hope future couples getting married are willing to sacrifice and comprise with each other be­­fore adding to the growing statistics of divorce and separation. Unlike before, when marriages were arranged without even meeting the other person before the wedding, we now have multiple sources of technology to get to really know someone before reaching the decision of marriage. It seems like we are moving backwards and willing to give up so easily, even though technology is growing and we have all the tools and resources at our fingertips to fix relationships.

 

I have done my best to keep busy and stay away from trouble.  I have chosen to work since the age of 16. The last few years were isolated as I focused on my career, but this experience taught me discipline and the patience to wait for the good to come. It also taught me that if I struggle now, I can enjoy life later. After overcoming bias, judgement and stereotypes, I can still stand by my statement that I cannot wait to get married this year and start a family. I’m eager to start my own family and stick with my wife till then end, because she really is the best thing that ever happened to me and I’ll never let us become another negative statistic.

 

Looking to create your love story? Join the other couples who have dated and married through myTamilDate.com

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In Part 1 of our series “Help! I’m 30, Tamil… and Not Married”, Sanjiv opines on the growing number of unmarried Tamils.
In Part 3, “Single, Tamil, Female… And I’m Divorced”, Niluja reveals her perspective as a divorced Tamil woman.
In Part 4, “Self-Arranged Marriage: The New Tamil Trend”, Jana discusses the growing “self-arranged marriage” phenomenon in the Tamil community.
In Part 5, “How to Find a Husband”, a guest writer shares advice for Tamil women.
In Part 6, “Why I’ve Decided to Get an Arranged Marriage”, Vidhurah expresses her views on modern marriage.
In Part 7, “So You Won’t Be Marrying a Tamil Girl?”, Penn E. shares his thoughts on the challenges and idiosyncrasies of interracial relationships.

Editor's Note


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Author

Siva Samson Ravindran

Siva Samson Ravindran

A 25 year old Tamil male trying to make sense of the world. Compassionate about the social service perspective of life and the work being done to help vulnerable individuals and communities.

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