What’s Wrong with Dating in the Tamil Community?
Throughout our lives we journey alone until we come across one individual. This is the individual whom we choose as our life partner to tag along with us and to share memories and tragedies with. We all wish for a miracle, for someone great to set foot in our lives and change it for the better.
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Throughout our lives we journey alone until we come across one individual. This is the individual whom we choose as our life partner to tag along with us and to share memories and tragedies with. We all wish for a miracle, for someone great to set foot in our lives and change it for the better.

But the truth is finding that special someone means a lot of trial and error. Some of us are fortunate to find the right person on our first try. But for many of us what is required is going out and meeting new people and facing a lot of trial and error. A solution for many of us complaining about not to finding that special someone is dating. But the concept of dating has lost its way in our community.

Being raised in a conservative South Asian household, there is still a taboo surrounding the notion of dating. The reason for this is that it goes against our traditional morals of being with one person and one person alone for all our lives. Yet we’ve decided to ditch much of our traditional values in favour of Western culture. So why do many of us still cling to the belief of being with just one person and one person alone?

The answer is actually quite simple. Although modern Western culture is quite lax on dating new people and being in a relationship with them, the fusion of a South Asian and Western culture creates a different reaction.

What happens is the formation of restrictions. We notice how our men are portrayed as pigs. We notice how our women are referred to when she dates more than one guy. We notice how ones history of past relationships is always a cause for concern.

Yet it is time to come to terms that we live in the 21st century! Women are empowered and are equal to males. However, there are still outdated ideologies within our community that prevent women from meeting their expectations. It has become cliché to say that if a man dates more then one woman he is the alpha male. Conversely, there is no audience inn in present day society to salute a woman who has been in a relationship with more than one male. Why? Because she’s portrayed in our community as a “slut” or someone who is “easy”.

Yet this is wrong on so many levels. We have no business in saying that it is wrong for a woman to date as many men as she wants until she finds the right companion for her adventure through life.

When it comes to dating, women have it hard. But that doesn’t take away from us men either. We are often on the receiving end of male-bashing sentiment. Yes, we are looked upon as the alpha male while going from woman to woman. But we are also referred to as sex-thirsty pigs.

But men, too, desire to find the perfect girl for us – someone who can be a best friend, someone we can have an intellectual conversation with or just kick back and watch television with. But some of us refrain from the concept of dating because we have a hard time convincing the opposite sex that we are individuals looking for a real relationship and someone who isn’t just a creep looking for sex.

Our biggest flaw as a community when it comes to dating is our closed-minded thinking. There should be nothing wrong with dating new people until we meet someone we enjoy being around. We shouldn’t have such a hard time accepting that someone has had past relationships as long as they stay faithful to you when you’re together.

The idea of dating is something that our generation should consider as a reasonable option for meeting someone new. Today, we routinely indulge in social media where every day we meet new people who are complete strangers. Yet we neglect the fact that the stranger could be someone you share similarities with – someone who may actually turn out to play a big role in your life.

We live among seven billion people. And it won’t be hard meeting someone you’ll love if you’re actually willing to get out there and explore. I think it’s time to open that box and explore a world of possibilities. What do you say?

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