I am a French Woman in Love with a Tamil Man

frenchinterracial

I fell in love with a Tamil man.

It all started in 2012. We were university students focusing on our education and far from looking for a relationship. Everything was different about us – culture, language, colour, behaviour, goals. From our first encounter he anticipated the likeliness of his parents preferring to find him a Tamil wife – traditional, patient, beautiful and leading to a virtual 0% divorce rate.

But life is full of surprises.

From the day we met we never stopped being astonished by each other. Our differences became our strength. We got to know each other from the eyes of kids discovering the world. Everything was new, and we built up enough trust to be open-minded to ideas that most people would find too baffling to accept. It resulted in a strong sense of trust, love and support. We have been together for three years and we are now in a long-distance relationship.

My partner introduced me to Tamil culture. Even from an outsider’s point of view, it is hard not to appreciate the richness of Tamil culture. Everything within it highlights its long history and sophisticated tastes: dances, songs, musical instruments, temples, ceremonies, language and traditions.

We are not married or engaged yet, so it did not seem legitimate to expose ourselves to the Tamil community. Regardless, his mom made it clear that our relationship should not continue due to contentious criticism from the Tamil community.

And despite our love for each other, do we have to confront the dreadful ultimatum often addressed to mixed race couples, such as: “If you marry that girl, you don’t belong to the family anymore.” “The rest of the family won’t invite you or talk to you anymore.” “What will people think?” “You might have to run away to another country if you want to live together.”

What lies at the core of this opposition? Is it the fear of losing one of the oldest cultures in the world if not properly passed on to our children? Is it the fear of being considered colonized to the eyes of the community? Is it the remnants of ethnic conflicts in which intra-community unity is associated with strength? Is it that the Sri Lankan Tamil diaspora has not integrated well enough to accept interracial couples among its 35 million Canadian compatriots?

Any one of these reasons may seem fair enough to not want your only son to date an outsider. But are they good enough to exclude your only son from the community and cast shame upon him? Does anyone deserve to make a choice between family and wife?

Can’t two cultures be added – Canadian and Tamil?

I do believe that marrying someone of a different background does not mean giving up who you are. It can be a complete addition of cultures, a win-win situation where both cultures are added and transferred to ones children. Of course, this implies that both two partners want it, which is often not their priority. My partner is very close to his culture and he wants to give his kids the best cultural and academic education. I totally support this idea.

I also understand the concerns of the Tamil community and the desire to preserve the rich and sophisticated Tamil culture. If this interracial relationship has support, I would aim to make sure that my kids learn Tamil, perform classical arts and actively take part in all traditional aspects of Tamil life.

To this day, I still don’t know how the Tamil community would accept this. It seems to me that among many, interracial marriages are considered de facto failures. Does it have to be that way?

Is the younger generation more tolerant towards interracial relationships? Why is it so hard to find media coverage of successful mixed Tamil couples? Isn’t it a source of pride to the Tamil community for outsiders to embrace Tamil culture such as the video of a German lady speaking perfect Tamil?

Tamils in Canada are exposed to many other ethnicities on a daily basis. This leads me to believe that interracial marriages will become more prevalent over the next generation. And I wonder if all Tamils in interracial relationships will have to go through shame with their partners, or if the community will one day shed a new light on these relationships and portray them as highly successful too.

I know that I am an outsider posting on a Tamil website which is unusual. I have no intention to offend anyone and I am not questioning the benefits of intra-Tamil relationships. My only wish is to provide a perspective on the Tamil community’s willingness to embrace interracial relationships from the view of an outsider.

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Looking to create your love story? Join the other couples who have dated and married through myTamilDate.com!

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Chloé

Chloé

I am a 24-year-old French girl in my last year of PhD in Sciences. I had the chance to travel the world during my studies and live in Europe, Northern America, and Oceania (Australia continent). I try to live life to the fullest, without forgetting the lessons I have learned from it.

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158 comments
Stephanie Baah
Stephanie Baah

Vlada Kantorovitch I'm trying to find your comment

Gaya Murali
Gaya Murali

I guess second or third generation migrants don't mind inter racial marriages. I am myself a second generation migrants and I have no problem what so ever about inter racial couple and my husband is the first generation migrant, and he can't fathom the idea that our children might end up marrying a white person ( irrespective of their nationality) even though the perfectly Tamil speaking German woman is his cousins wife- he believes not all white women will be able to melt in like she did since she can not only speak the language, but also cook the food and know all the grandmas cures that exists in our society. \U0001f60a

Raveen S. Nathan
Raveen S. Nathan

Our earliest known progeny of interracial marriage is Indology Scholar Ananda Coomarswamy (1877 - 1947). Since then countless Sri Lankan Tamils have married westerners. This will only increase amongst the diaspora in coming generations, where by in three or more generations, none of Tamils who migrated after the civil war in Sri Lanka would have left behind any recognizable community. Get on with it, don't theorize, try it out.

Jay Naidoo
Jay Naidoo

Proud to be a Tamil\U0001f600but I look within and find that to embrace humanity irrespective of racial and cultural differences is more gratifying.

Noor Hamiezah
Noor Hamiezah

Adam Thivyaraj Arul u should \U0001f60f\U0001f60f

Karan Vansjalia
Karan Vansjalia

Myuren Janath i guess you guys can take white girls to ur parents lol

Kan Na
Kan Na

Sucanra Suthagaran u want a French man?

Brandon Vethanayagam
Brandon Vethanayagam

Well what can we say. European girls always fall for us Sri Lankan-Canadian men's charm. There should be more interracial marriages between Sri Lankan Canadian men and Caucassian European & Canadian women.

Ipoh Ramasamy
Ipoh Ramasamy

I used to be very anti-interracial marriage till I started dating outside of race. Surprisingly I find white woman lot more humble and down to earth than brown girls. Like you have a more pleasant dating experience versus going out with some obnoxious, cliquish tamil girls.

Brandon Vethanayagam
Brandon Vethanayagam

Well Ipoh Ramasamy, interracial marriages are now the norm in Canadian society.

Ipoh Ramasamy
Ipoh Ramasamy

LOL. I wrote the comment to piss off Brown girls. Interracial dating is complicated by brown stereotypes. I just feel that brown girls have to tone that princess complex and put themselves out there. Would do good. Anyway interracial marriage requires work and its far easier to just go for your own ethnicity than date outside. But personally, I just feel brown girls are obnoxious in an attempt to thwart "creeps" and just come off as someone pompous. Dating is difficult as it is. Just treat others like the way you want to be treated.

Ipoh Ramasamy
Ipoh Ramasamy

Westernized Indian girls are the worst lot in this category though.

Ipoh Ramasamy
Ipoh Ramasamy

Its not Malaysia Ipoh. Its Ipoh ramasamy from Baba. Get my trolling kid

துஷி லீ.
துஷி லீ.

இனிய திருமண வாழ்த்துக்கள்.

Kleinz
Kleinz

Our people still think that Whies are our rulers. History books dont

tell the atrocities of these WHITES in our class rooms.

Britain/Germany and Portugal  are the   main criminals in every trouble in their former slaves countries.The fun is these white criminals preach on HUMAN RIGHTS while

they are the worst imperial criminal on this world.

When british took over our country the country to British land robbers - their empire consists of meek.

There was exemplary harmony and camaraderie between Sinhala and Tamils.

The sinhalese leaders knew Tamil. Ehelapola signed agreement in both Sinhala and Tamil.

Even today the countrie's elegant pagent -the procession of the

tooth relic- is a display of Buddhist and Hindu religious culture.

All the Hindu temples in Kandy area were participating in the

procession. Though these temples were now manned by Sinhalese due

machination of the British and their local lap dogs like the said

British HC, early days they were conducted Hindu priests came from India  with the various Indian Tamil and Malayali princesses who were married to the Sinhala kings and other aristocrats.

It is the distruction of this harmony that was master-minded by

British other Europeans and their lap dogs that contimues to this day. These are the true history never told to us by any body.

European invasion had a far more devastating effect on our country, much more than what is depicted by the colonial and converted slaves  of our country. White people invaded every single Tamil nations (India/Sri Lanka and many others do not trust them they are the product of criminals having one in your familly will result in bad karma).


Jakil
Jakil

Most of you idiots are too poor to have ever met the real upper caste, stunningTamil  girls. If only you had passports and connections, 

Hell, if only half of you went to a respectable college, you'd at least have already gotten to meet some of the elites.

So... when will you ever get to meet these beauties? You won't, plain and simple. It's not about being white or ripped and your ability to spout *slooooooot* while pounding your chest, it's about your lineage. Who are your parents--and your grandparents-- as well as greatgreatgreat (ad infinitum) grandparents, for that matter? What are their ethnicity and religion? Where were they educated? Could they all speak lawyers' english? Do your family members resemble commoners in aesthetics i.e. in appearance and style? Meaning, do you all look like common small town, burger munching deadbeat American tourists who can't pronounce Eelam?

This is the harsh reality: they do not waste time being around status-lowering embarrassments, hence the very tight knit, low profile (at least in your world) circles. Somewhat similar to Persian Jews in LA barring sexual proclivities: White men are seen as dirty and common, whereas other Tamils ones are exotic. Black guys are seen as an abomination. Arabs are a no go, unless he's an educated, bourgeois Lebanese Christian/agnostic. That being said, in terms of outsiders, it's usually Jews with pedigree who are first in line. To the rest: don't bother. Go back to your lotion and nude spread of the day.

As for this 'stench myth'... look, a simple google search for STD statistics over the course of history would immediately point you to the real cradle of disease and sewage odour. Or have you gotten that used to the smell of your forever alone? The Arabs and Indians invented soap, while Europe had to rely on perfume and wigs to cover the stench of 1 month's worth of shared bathwater per family. 


RijcklofVanGoens
RijcklofVanGoens

Tamils have been mixing with outsiders from time immemorial. In the case of Europeans, the large mestizo population of the Northern province attests to the considerable miscegenation that occurred between the Tamils and the Dutch and Portuguese. The Dutch patriot Quint Ondaatje was the son of a Tamil minister and his Dutch wife from Amsterdam, Hermina Quint. One of his great uncles visited Hollanv and married a Dutch lady, Adriana Cordenoort. Moving into British times, the most prominent Tamils of their time were married to Western women. the first Tamil barrister, Henry Francis Muttukistna, was married to an English lady, the daughter of Reginald Pole. Sir Muttu Coomaraswamy was married to an Englishwoman, Elizabeth Beeby, P Ramanathan was married to the Australian R L Harrison, SCK Rutnam was married to Dr Mary Irwin, and the list goes on and on.

Jakil
Jakil

@RijcklofVanGoens Colonial rapes doesn't count, interracial is seen as bestiality in our community. 

mithu1108
mithu1108

Hi Sarah,


I really want a nice girl who is Caucasian. It is so hard to find single woman. Please help.

mithu1108
mithu1108

Chloe,  can you contact me at ratan11@hotmail.com or at 7808858288. Aj

Lucyrifka
Lucyrifka

Hello, I love to see this article. I can see that the french woman who is married to a tamil guy want to understand the traditions and also adjust to her husband.

And he also to her I believe. And i read a few comments from some people. Well I am not accepting that people want to say that the tamil culture and language will disappear.

If you are marring a white woman or man. Because I am half tamil and half europian. And I feel that me as a mixed race that I am not any different than a tamil girl who was born in Srilanka or India from that matter. I also speak tamil and know all the tamil habbits and traditions and every tamil has there own religion not every tamil is hindu. We all live in a big world and if we look at the human history we all are human and the world is for everyone. I dont believe in racism and if you believe in god we all are equal. And that white woman are not a good person to marry because its not marriage material that is just nonsence because there are a lot of tamil man and woman who are married and are not happy and only make children and are not happy in the marriage because they only got married because of there parents and there tamil community. Every person is different and if you think in a tamil way of mind, people who live in there own world and never look above the mountain are blind to there selfs and are not open to development. And in the colony time there where also alot of mixed race children in Srilanka and India for all the people who are against mixed raced tamil people and are not 100 dark also could have a ancestors from back in the days so dont fool yourself. Because we dont live in a world where people are 100% black or white. Or do you want to became adolf Hiler against the jewish people. Well that says more about you then us. I just wanted to give my opinion and i accept everyone as they are as long people wound judge each other how they look or what there background is. There are good and bad people in this world in every race. We are not anamals. Greethings Lucy

levishan
levishan

@Lucyrifka

Are you serious ?   Your Hitler stole everything from us including the word "Aryan" and "Swastika". Your racial supremacy theory was the result of inferiority complex on the minds of Germanic peoples because of them labelled by Romans and Greeks as "Barbarians". Your ancestors were living in caves and occasionally entering neighboring states in Italy and Greece and used to loot, rape, vandalize and rob the peoples there. At the same time South Asians were in the most civilized Empires which were advanced in every field of worldly life.

You know how Europe became a developed continent?  Sub humans belonging to the ethnicities of English, Portugese, Dutch and French who were inbred for thousands of years came to our lands did every duties of Barbarians. They created artificial famine and commited genocide.

Study Genetics and Evolution. If humans do not mix racially and ethnically each group would become different species in the course of time. It means then people from two different groups cannot form an offspring.

Race and Ethnicities are hundred percent scientific concepts.

One person's look, behaviour and intelligence are all determined by genes. Besides you are a mongrel, you cannot speak for Tamils.


RijcklofVanGoens
RijcklofVanGoens

It is these so-called "subhuman barbarians" who've let in hundreds of thousands of Tamils into their countries, who'd otherwise be victims to the racist policies of the Sinhalese government. Contrast the liberal Western policies such as multiculturalism which allows Tamils to preserve their cultures with the Asiatic conservatism of the Sinhalese which demands assimilation or subjugation to the majority. The insane racism and general nonsense contained within your comment would make a Nazi blush and make the wildest Afrocentric theories look respectable and intelligent such is your absurdity. The Tamils.owe an enormous amount to outsiders, especially.the Wesleyan American missionaries who were largely responsible for the academic culture among the Tamils.

Jakil
Jakil

@RijcklofVanGoens But the only reason we moved to your country is because your people started the war...We were living peace before you came and loot/rape and kill our people.And please stop glorifying colonial rape...We would have been living in peace if you bloody Europeans never landed in our beautiful Island.

Jakil
Jakil

@Lucyrifka You are not one of us  and will never be.You are mixed race not TAMIL

Levishana
Levishana

@Lucyrifka  'And in the colony time there where also alot of mixed race children in Srilanka and India '  


Yes those children were the product of rape.....

Firstly most of Tamils in Sri Lanka are 100%, the only mixed race Tamils we have are the product of rape done by Europeans and Sinhalese people.People like you who mix have problems, its easy for them to hide behind political correctness but ultimately its nonsense and doesnt apply to the real world and when they have kids they essentially throw them under a bus and hope they deal with it somehow. 

when they teach mixed kids that race is worthless, so worthless in fact that anyone who does value what they are Must inherently be racist... they immediately trap those kids into looking at people of a particular race who have issues as their parents did...as being "normal". they force their kids to dip into a small pool of broken people. and those mixed kids in turn help perpetrate the idea that the only 'problem' with race mixing would be good old fashioned racism, rather than viewing interacial mixing as a social itself in and of itself.

You are a product of a mixed parents, you have no identity  , you cannot speak Tamil or even understand our culture so please refer yourself as 'mixed race' instead of tarnishing our race and identity. As for most of Tamil people they have happy married life unlike white people who divorce/cheat on their wife , half of your kids doesn't know who their father is.... Most of them end up  in jail for drug /rape and murder offenses, furthermore most of white mothers are well know for being drug addicts and alcoholics please look at your house first before poiting your finger at others.Because in our community we still have our familly values intact, unlike with white famillies.....


Lalita R Amirthanayagam
Lalita R Amirthanayagam

It is great that your family were supportive about it though! There are not many Tamil parents who would not be so supportive, mostly due to fear of the unknown, cultural and religious differences or because of the Tamil community.

Dan Dev
Dan Dev

Christine Abouslaibi

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