This is a true story about falling in love with a guy who does not have a visa.
On our first date, he told me openly about his visa issue. I made it clear to him that I didn’t want anything to do with it – that he should get the visa for himself without my help. He said he loved the way I said that, and we never spoke about the “visa” again.
As time went on, we both fell deeply in love with each other. It was on another level. I had never felt this kind of “mature” love before. I fell for him so deeply. Everything was so deep between us, and I always got butterflies when I saw him – that “kangal irundhal” and “munbe vaa” moment. It was really amazing!
We understood each other so much. He never judged me for being a virgin, never made me do stuff or forced me to do “things”, always supported me in every way, and treated me how a woman should be treated. We felt this bond between us where nothing or no one could tear us apart.
That was until one day in March when he asked me to marry him. We had only been in a relationship for four months. I was in shock and afraid of what my parents would say. I was 19 years old. A 26 year old Tamil man asking a 19 year old Tamil girl to marry him is wrong on every level. No Tamil mother would give their 19 years old daughter away.
You are probably wondering why I was in a relationship with someone 7 years older than me and with someone who does not have a visa. There is a quote: “Age doesn’t matter in love” and that is what love did to me.
Yet no matter how deeply in love I was with him and no matter how perfect he was for me, I didn’t want to marry at such a young age. I needed a job, I needed a degree, I needed money. Besides, he needed to be at a good stage in life as well to get married. But that’s when it all made sense. He wanted to marry me so that he could get a visa, a job, a degree, a life – and I was his golden ticket!
Our relationship got messy when he forced me to tell my parents that I was in love with him and that I wanted to marry him. I exaggerate – yes, he wanted me to tell my parents and he did not want to speak to my parents himself. This is when I realized that there was something dodgy. Although he always denied that he wanted to marry me for a visa but only out of pure love, why ask to register to marry now?
How long will it take him to get a visa? How long will it take for him to get a decent job and a decent degree so that my parents could accept him and so that I could live a decent life with him? He made me fall in love with him so that he has a reason to stay here and so that he doesn’t get deported to Sri Lanka. And I was strong enough to realize, with the help of my best friend, that he just wanted to settle here and I was his golden ticket.
To be honest, I am probably just accusing the true love of my life, but I finally gave up on him. I gave up on the guy I felt most deeply in love with because I knew I had no future with a guy that doesn’t have a visa.
I am really sorry to those men who do not have a visa. I am not saying that you don’t have a future here. I am saying do not marry a girl whom you claim to love simply to get a visa. There are a lot of beautiful girls in Sri Lanka. Just get married over there instead of hurting wonderful and beautiful hearts over here!
I have learned a positive lesson from this. Unless you fully know that they are perfect for you, be careful! I have grown stronger and just because I am a loyal girl does not mean that I am too blind to know when things are going to go wrong.
So here is a message for all the Tamil girls out there: please don’t fall in love with a guy who does not have a visa. They will tell you anything and everything to make you stay with them, and then probably leave you after getting a visa since they have come all the way from Sri Lanka with a plan!
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