Falling in Love with a Guy Who Doesn’t Have a Visa

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This is a true story about falling in love with a guy who does not have a visa.

On our first date, he told me openly about his visa issue. I made it clear to him that I didn’t want anything to do with it – that he should get the visa for himself without my help. He said he loved the way I said that, and we never spoke about the “visa” again.

As time went on, we both fell deeply in love with each other. It was on another level. I had never felt this kind of “mature” love before. I fell for him so deeply. Everything was so deep between us, and I always got butterflies when I saw him – that “kangal irundhal” and “munbe vaa” moment. It was really amazing!

We understood each other so much. He never judged me for being a virgin, never made me do stuff or forced me to do “things”, always supported me in every way, and treated me how a woman should be treated. We felt this bond between us where nothing or no one could tear us apart.

That was until one day in March when he asked me to marry him. We had only been in a relationship for four months. I was in shock and afraid of what my parents would say. I was 19 years old. A 26 year old Tamil man asking a 19 year old Tamil girl to marry him is wrong on every level. No Tamil mother would give their 19 years old daughter away.

You are probably wondering why I was in a relationship with someone 7 years older than me and with someone who does not have a visa. There is a quote: “Age doesn’t matter in love” and that is what love did to me.

Yet no matter how deeply in love I was with him and no matter how perfect he was for me, I didn’t want to marry at such a young age. I needed a job, I needed a degree, I needed money. Besides, he needed to be at a good stage in life as well to get married. But that’s when it all made sense. He wanted to marry me so that he could get a visa, a job, a degree, a life – and I was his golden ticket!

Our relationship got messy when he forced me to tell my parents that I was in love with him and that I wanted to marry him. I exaggerate – yes, he wanted me to tell my parents and he did not want to speak to my parents himself. This is when I realized that there was something dodgy. Although he always denied that he wanted to marry me for a visa but only out of pure love, why ask to register to marry now?

How long will it take him to get a visa? How long will it take for him to get a decent job and a decent degree so that my parents could accept him and so that I could live a decent life with him? He made me fall in love with him so that he has a reason to stay here and so that he doesn’t get deported to Sri Lanka. And I was strong enough to realize, with the help of my best friend, that he just wanted to settle here and I was his golden ticket.

To be honest, I am probably just accusing the true love of my life, but I finally gave up on him. I gave up on the guy I felt most deeply in love with because I knew I had no future with a guy that doesn’t have a visa.

I am really sorry to those men who do not have a visa. I am not saying that you don’t have a future here. I am saying do not marry a girl whom you claim to love simply to get a visa. There are a lot of beautiful girls in Sri Lanka. Just get married over there instead of hurting wonderful and beautiful hearts over here!

I have learned a positive lesson from this. Unless you fully know that they are perfect for you, be careful! I have grown stronger and just because I am a loyal girl does not mean that I am too blind to know when things are going to go wrong.

So here is a message for all the Tamil girls out there: please don’t fall in love with a guy who does not have a visa. They will tell you anything and everything to make you stay with them, and then probably leave you after getting a visa since they have come all the way from Sri Lanka with a plan!

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Related articles:
Love Can Be Better the Second Time Around
Why I’ve Decided to Get an Arranged Marriage
Observations of a Happily Married Tamil Man

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38 thoughts on “Falling in Love with a Guy Who Doesn’t Have a Visa

  1. Good lord, this read some like some angst filled teen “made for tv” movie plus the addition of tamil elements and visa issues. What is wrong with our youth nowadays? So the author fell in “true love” with a much older loafer without a visa and ran scared when the penny dropped? Lol I’m sorry but visa or no visa, guys like this will be around to take advantage so long as immature girls like this exist. I think this article is very patronising and tests the intelligence of a lot of us readers! I can assure you that the advice given is something the majority of us already know!

  2. WOW!! This is the most offensive. generalizing article I read. Ok first, regarding the age gap. Its just 7 years. You are legally an adult. He’s an adult. Before you call it third world behaviours, just remember your CANADIAN Minister of Justice, Peter Mcckay’s wife was 15 year younger to Peter Mckay. Also, Johnny Depp, Rupert Murdoch, BRANGELINA? HELLO!!!.
    So quit being a b*** whining about age and judging age difference of couples. I date younger women.They give me attention, treat me the way I want to be treated. It works. (Way better than the bitter 29 year old who want to get me locked into marriage because her ex were abusive gangstas and now want to settle for some guy with a degree and career) So please keep you shi** judgmental opinions to yourself.
    Regarding work visa, HAHAHAHAHA. A SRILANKAN JAFFNA TAMIL complaining about VISA. hahahahah! oh god! HAHAHAHA! Please ask your dad/mom/uncle how they came to Canada from Germany/ France etc. You know their “persecuted” stories??Oh boy!
    Anyway its not about loving a guy with a visa, its whether are you ready for that three knots and life after marriage. I am pretty sure the son of a “refugee” from 1990s, who grew up in scarborough could end up being a d*** after marriage too. Dumbest article I read.

  3. Also. Do not marry anyone who only wants to marry you for your money, status, car, netflix account details, to be closer to your sister, your cast, fame, for sex (well perhaps only for that), for… aaaaaaaaaah

  4. This article is a selfish way to repent emotions about a past relationship for everyone to hear and take pity. Who are you to give advice to all the Tamil women about who they choose in life! It is their choice for life partner they wish to seek/be with, as it was yours to continue speaking to someone who was in need of a visa to remain in the country they were in. You cannot blame the other person because what they were seeking was not that of what you wished for. If you wished for “the job, the degree, the money” then your answer should have been – no, im not ready – and continued on with your life, and if he wished to be there during your battles, successes, happy moments and sad.. then perhaps he could have been the future, but if he walked away because you said no, you knew he wasn’t “the one.” Articles like this…that speak to the Tamil culture “to do/ not to do” does not bridge our old traditions to the new western society. It breaks the bridge.

  5. Is being sensible all that is good?  I was the exact opposite of you at your age.  I did not believe in love or anything approaching it, being very cynical after watching various tamil movies.  If I have to be like Kannagi (ie not say anything bad to my husband if he were to have a couple of flings) whether I fall in love or whether I have an arranged marriage, what is the difference between the two?  Might as well please my parents if there is no hope of happiness for myself whatever I do.  I accordingly married someone my parents chose and they chose someone with all the things that are so important to you.  My husband is a decent person but if I were to talk about heart stopping love would probably laugh.  He does not appear to have or even believe in that concept.  I wish now I had not been so cynical and been more hopeful.  How do you know it would not have worked out?

  6. It works for few and it doesn’t work for many.. Man or woman.. Standing on their own to succeed is what many should aim to .. Unfortunately the case is not like that.. And even arranged marriages are proposed with the mindset getting a visa.. So it is totally up to you to make the decision. Just remember no one saves anyone!
    Just don’t get bitter over the experience… Then someone will describe you as bitter 29 years old in a decade.. Lol U0001f61b

  7. Seems like you got annoyed with my comment. Its something I notice from my personal experience. The 29 year olds just want to settle down and they make it too obvious. Like talk about how much I earn etc, the mortgage I have left on the house or if I am renting the house etc. I get so pissed. Let me get this straight. I didn’t get any attention when I am in high school or university but the moment I have some career and a car to drive in, I manage to get dates with 20 year old fitness instructors, toronto models, north indian tamannah like girls (my f*** dream!). It just teaches me that as a man you are judged my what you have, rather than who you are. So I learned to play by the book. I would have respected the 29 year old if you gave me attention when I was awkward kid in high school or a weirdo at University. I just play by the game. Its bitter. But thats life.

  8. Scarborough Kokki Kumaru
    Can totally understand your point of view. And def you should take advantage of the opportunity !!
    Unfortunately our world is made of girls looking at the wallet size of a man. And likewise the guys are happy to settle with a model look a like girls U0001f60a
    As long as we don’t grow bitter of any experiences would be nice!!
    I was certainly not annoyed by your comment and just wanted to ensure this girl doesn’t fall in your category that’s all.
    Happy dating !!! Enjoy!! U0001f648U0001f600

  9. Is this a joke? Sounds like a five year old wrote it. What’s the moral of the story people without Visa are useless in your life? I want my 5 minutes back what a terrible article.

  10. This is the worst article posted by Tamil culture. This 19 year old should not be blaming the guy for anything when he told her from day one about his visa status. She willingly went into this relationship. The guy is older and is in the age to get married, I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting to get married. She needs to stop blaming the guy when the fault is within herself. Nonsense of an article!

  11. Oh please. This girl is very immature. May be in her perspective she may have assumed that he was behind her for visa purpose. But she can’t be advising Tamil women not to date guys with no visa. Especially in this case ( as she mentioned) he was very decent with her. He was respectful enough to tell her to talk to her parents about their relationship. He didnt ask her to run away with her???? Another thing is that relationships should not be taking advised from friends. Friends don’t really know what is going on with in others relationship. Ofcourse they wanted to see their friend happy but their judgments and assumption are not always right. Sweet heart you are very immature. Please don’t start dating anyone. You just think too much of yourself. Just take your time and date someone to your “”STATUS”” and see for yourself what comes along with the STATUS Hun. And please stop posting these kind on stupidity on pages these.

  12. I’m disappointed with this article, and TamilCulture for posting this. Unless it was with knowledge that it would provoke so many opinions. This girl knew from the get go, what the situation was. If this was not something she wanted, she should have not continued this relationship. After all we do have the freedom of making choices for ourselves, in this democratic country. As well I have female friends who have married men of different races as well as Sri Lankans, without a residency in Canada. They were not forced or coerced by their partner, they did it out of love for them and a future. The ending of this article was very generalized, to state that non-visa residents marry you and after receiving their papers they will leave you. In all a very immature article, even though it was her opinion.

  13. I can’t help but feel this young woman’s pain. Like many others commenting on how utterly “disrespectful” of those without status this article comes across, I do still feel empathy for her honesty in her own experience. Having said that, I believe we fall in love with a person and not their situation. The situation especially the fear of being “used” for citizenship and then hurt or betrayed is genuine. But much like we fall in love with a person in our ow country and plan for the future as a couple, careers, family, etc, a person wanting to marry even if it is for status but with the intention to live a life with you is equally genuine.
    We can’t assume the love of our lives only exist within a specific radius. Sadly, sometimes we do fall in love across borders and have to come to terms that perhaps you will never end up together. That is the pain in love. However, if two people genuinely fall in love and the current “political laws” prevent one person from status, it’s a shame to assume that love was not genuine and true love.

  14. Sorry, but people don’t even know who they are at 19, let alone ready for marriage. And there’s a reason you’re attracted to much younger women. It has to do with them doing whatever you want, and them making you the center of their attention. That’s not going to last. Do you realize how much people change in 5+ years in their 20s? I would’ve agreed with you that they’re probably stable and OK to get married to each other with the 7 year age difference, IF they were both older than 20. But not when one of the people in the couple is younger than that. I agree that the girl knew what she was getting into in terms of the VISA, but she has every right to be irked by the age difference, and I’m always suspicious of people who get their personal (ego) satisfaction from very young partners.

  15. LOL! If getting kick out of being centre of attraction is wrong, I doubt Instagram, snapchat and facebook would be successful billion dollar industries. This is current generation.Get on with times darling. People change all the time, really doesn’t matter what age they are at. Think about all the akka’s who married their high school sweet hearts at 27 and ended up filing divorce papers at 32.Some become shitty career coaches,without a proper career themselves. ANYWAY… that’s not the point. Age is just a number. I would be happy if judgemental women like you just keep quiet instead of making shitty comments like “ooh hes a creep, she must be lose..bla bla” There’s a old tamil proverb about such people. “vaikola kaakura nay,thaanum thingathu, maatayum thinna vidadu” (Dog that guards a haystack wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t allow the cow to eat) It’s just bitter all day. Keep your suspicions and seek some SUN TV movie director, you could get a gig as screen-writer.

  16. Damn..”golden ticket” got me thinking of Charlie&Choco Factory…
    Give it a rest people. She’s sharing her personal experience and offering her two cents. Take it or leave it.

  17. Also, OP if you’re reading this: you’re young and you’ll meet people who will make you become cynical. Focus on becoming a stronger version of yourself and see the good in everything 🙂 Cheer up buttercup!

  18. lol… well it just goes to show how some men can present themselves in a way that isn’t really them just for their own benefit.. be it a visa, sex, or a fling… The chameleon effect… some guys are really great at it; so i think it’s more important to know how to pinpoint that sort of behaviour, instead of just saying “don’t go out with a guy without a visa”… My cousin married a man who didn’t have a visa and they’ve been happily married for almost 10 years with one child… I never trust a guy whose all talk and makes lots of promises. I would say to anyone who is in a situation like this to take things slow, and really pay attention to what the person does rather than what they tell you.

  19. For the argument sake, if and when you fall in love with a rich guy (assuming your family is not rich compare to him), he may perhaps think that you are after him for his money.
    Although I don’t know you or the guy, your rationale behind your conclusion is so pathetic.

  20. Haha made all mistakes by herself & finally blame it on him U0001f61c
    Also she point out all others too
    Which is simply explain how matured she is U0001f61c
    Come on girl if u r 19 better u concentrate on ur Studies & things U0001f61c

  21. What can i say stupid teenage girl writing stupid artical . Wasted my 5 minutes. Now i need wash my eyes with soap 😀

  22. This article is so judgmental! She acts so stupid and her advise is not really reliable. I agree the guy sounds dodgy, but on the other hand going out with a guy for only four month and calling him ” the true love of my life” is just naive and stupid. Every person should make up their own mind and don’t be silly like her!

  23. oi you all comment about this and that . This is a true story about a destitute girl.Donot

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